I'm veering away from my recent in-depth coverage of nipples and camel toe at the 2008 summer olympics in Beijing, China because I can only take some things so far. If you're disappointed, too damn bad. If you're happy, please let me know because I can get right back to beating that horse a bit more.
Today, though, I have something important to say about the Minnesota State Fair. First off, I am not going this year. Instead, I am pissing away my hard-earned money at the Renaissance Festival and I'll let you know when I plan on attending so everyone in the Twin Cities can stalk me and wonder to themselves whether or not I dress up in renaissance costume (I don't).
Alright, the Minnesota State Fair. I have two complaints about it tonight. The first, which I covered last year, is about those damned fried candy bars. Candy bars should not be soft enough to be gummed to death. They should exist in a state of solid, chocolatey goodness. If I wanted a candy bar that I could suck through a straw, I'd leave a Snickers bar on my dash while I worked a full day. Instead, spend your money on something that sounds truly disgusting, a fried carmelized 1/3 lb. strip of bacon on a stick.
Now for the second, far more important fair gripe. People that will wait to watch a newscast. Now I'm not talking about WCCO which does their entire newscast live from their outdoor studio at the fair but instead I am singling out FOX 9. Tonight, I happened to catch (on TV) their presence at the fair. It consisted only of pompous ass, meteorologist Ian Leonard and bleachers full of obnoxious, screaming kids in desperate need of both parents and a swift beating. Of course, later he showed the adults who stuck around on metal bleachers to see a three-minute weather segment.
I am not sure which group was more ridiculous but I'm not claiming to be any better. I always sit through the better part of Dan Cole the Common Man's KFAN radio show when I go to the fair. He's at least somewhat funny, has some audience participation and it's a decent place to eat lunch. Oh yeah, and it lasts longer than three minutes.
Are people so enamored by the chance to be on TV that they'll fritter away precious fair time hoping that the camera (for all 65 seconds it's on) pans across their mug as they sit all doe eyed staring at some smug jackass meteorologist that doesn't even relate well to actual humans? I can be alone, either, in soaking up some media personalities at the fair, who's your pick?
Be sure to check out MinnPics, it obviously contains photos from around Minnesota and just may be a treasure trove of State Fair photos.
3 comments:
I learned in FL just how desperate people are to be on TV. They tell you over and over not to walk out in the standing water, not to go out in the wind, etc. And what they are doing is telling their viewers, "Pssst! If you go out in the wind, and make it look good, you'll be on TV!" And so that's exactly what they do.
People are so desperate to be on TV that they will humiliate themselves on talk shows for FREE. I do not understand.
Oh, and this is great: "bleachers full of obnoxious, screaming kids in desperate need of both parents and a swift beating."
Take out the word "bleachers" and this is how I feel about visiting Walmart.
I am so with you on the candy bar thing... Last year at our state fair they actually served a fried chicken sandwich with bacon...but the kicker was the "bun". The "bun" was a Krispy Kreme glazed donut cut in half. Oh yeah, and then they committed THE BIG cardinal sin by deep frying an avacado. And Americans wonder why health care is so expensive...
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