It's time to abolish the TSA

After last weekend's relative freak out by one man about body scanners and molestation-level "pat-downs" by TSA agents, it's become clear -- if it wasn't already -- that the TSA has overstepped their bounds and has accomplished little to nothing in the process.

It all began simply enough at the initial wave of post-9/11 paranoia. People had to stand in long lines and remove everything from their pockets, start up electronic devices to prove that they were, in fact, electronic devices and pass through metal detectors.

Then came the "shoe bomber". This lead to airline passengers kicking off their shoes and walking through the checkpoints barefoot. It was at this level of pure terrorism paranoia that, while in a TSA line in Aruba, I commented to the older gentleman in front of me that their next step of bullshit would be having passengers walk through security checkpoints fully naked. Of course the TSA's installation of thousands of "body scanners" is essentially that but the police wanna-bes at the TSA will insist that everything they're doing is "for the safety of the traveling public". If that's true, why in the hell are we now limited to three ounces of liquids or gels in our carry-ons? Why can't we bring a fucking bottle of water past the security checkpoint? Why are grandmas and seven year old gils being subjected to molestation-level patdowns and "body scans"? Why is anyone being subjected to this? Isn't it bad enough that we initially had to arrive a couple hours early to make our flights? How much earlier do the TSA brain wizards recommend now that they are x-raying every last person (in certain airports) who board a flight? How much longer does this latest bullshit security safeguard add to the hassle that is flying?

In short, the TSA has done nothing than force would-be terrorists to come up with new, more undetectable ways of attempting to blow things up. The terrorists haven't been successful and the TSA is far too focused on humans being the carrier of the explosives -- the whole toner cartridge issue in the cargo area shows that the TSA is nothing but a bunch of perverts who want to see everyone, regardless of their body shape, buck naked in the name of security.

It all boils down to the TSA being yet another colossal waste of our tax money in the name of keeping fear alive. In the process they've decimated the airline industry and made Americans fearful of a nameless, faceless form of terror that could be lurking beneath the clothes of the guy behind you or in the toothpaste tube of the lady in front of you. They want you to be afraid of everything. Fear is their greatest strength and they keep getting more money for accomplishing nothing. They've never thwarted a would-be terrorist and always seem to discover the newest way of blowing up a plane after that newest way has made it aboard a flight. Eliminate the TSA entirely and we're one step closer to balancing the budget.

Too fat to fly?

Over the weekend, actor and director Kevin Smith raised a ruckus online due to the fact that he was essentially escorted off of a Southwest Airlines flight from Oakland, CA to Burbank, CA for being too fat. The only problem is that he passed their "fat test". He was able to sit in his seat with the arm rests down. He raised a stink about his removal from the flight and he was right for doing so.

Or was he?

I love most everything Kevin Smith has done theatrically speaking. I don't claim to know how much Smith weighs but he is just big. He doesn't appear to be anything near morbidly obese. If I had to venture a guess, I'd say he tips the scales around 280 lbs. Not exactly fit as a fiddle but not to the point of needing a motorized cart at Walmart. He could probably stand to substitute a salad every now and then but most every one of us Americans could do that as well.

So he bought his ticket and got in to his seat.

It's something a friend of mine does on a regular basis. The friend I'm speaking of travels a decent amount of the time for work and he's a big guy as well. He tips the scales at a bit over 300 lbs. He carried it well by being rather barrel chested and I think it's a safe bet to say that he flies coach when he travels because there aren't many employers willing to foot the bill for a first class ticket.

Now if my good buddy can fit in to a coach seat all the time, why was there such a ruckus about Kevin Smith? Did Smith raise such a huge stink over the situation to make an example out of the airlines in America? I'd like to think that his reasoning was just that. I'd love for Kevin Smith to be a vigilante for plus-sized Americans who fly but I think he used his celebrity status to prove a point. His point being that weight discrimination knows no boundaries. He has proven himself to be hugely successful without his weight being a hindrance until that one day when, on his return flight, he was suddenly deemed too fat to fly - even though he was fully seated with the seat's armrests down.

In a perfect world, every guy in America would be a svelt 180 lbs. and this kind of shit wouldn't happen. I would have to be the guy stuck between two large fellas on a flight to Atlanta but, in case you haven't noticed, the world is about as far from perfect as you can get. And if you can get your armrests down, I'll just have to deal with my cursed middle seat.

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You're too sexy for this plane

Have you heard the one about the woman who was told to wrap a blanket around herself on a Southwest Airlines flight? Nope? Well it's not a joke but a real story and while the details behind it aren't very in-depth, there is a very real issue here.

A so-called expert quoted in the article I read regarding this story blames the lax style of dress of today's younger generations, saying that they are following the fashion trends of young Hollywood stars. I say bullshit. I blame the few uptight people who are deathly afraid to see some skin on a woman or an 'offensive' graphic on a t-shirt (that one was given as an excuse for being lectured by a flight attendant regarding the 'dress code' on airplanes).

While I am not an avid fly-guy, I have been on a handful of flights to various locales and I rarely, if ever, worry about how I am dressed. I've never been offended by how someone else is dressed and I'll be damned if a flight attendant can talk down to me about how I am dressed. Sure, I don't have a closet full of offensive tees but I definitely have my own style and it seems rather heavy-handed to me that an airline thinks they have the right to enforce some unwritten dress code of theirs.

There are portions of their unwritten code of standards that I do agree with. I can say wholeheartedly that I am opposed to someone emitting a foul odor or being barefoot boarding a plane and being seated near me. The airlines need to lighten up because while we have few choices when it comes to air travel, they depend on us, the customers, to keep their often government subsidized businesses afloat.

What are your thoughts on airline customer dress codes? Have you had unpleasant or uncomfortable flight experiences? Am I a total dick for coming one step short of telling airlines to shove it?