Toddlers love ice - too much

Last night it hailed a bit at our house. That happens when the entire state is blanketed in end-of-the-world darkness that is typical with late-spring severe thunderstorms and the dozens of tornadoes we were cursed with here in Minnesota. In typical dumbass fashion, I waited until the rumble of thunder was steady to drag my after-work ass out to the garage and make room in the project-filled single stall death trap of a structure work the wife's crossover (SUV). My car, however, would have to linger curbside and pray to the gods that it survives without hail damage for the second time.

But as I said earlier, it hailed. Not a whole lot but enough for me to panic and slide my sandals on and run full speed from the front porch to the street and give my car the shelter of a Maple tree to ride out the storm. I didn't get a chance to inspect my sexy black beauty this morning as my old lady took it to work before I even crawled out of bed but the real story here is about my daughter.

The 19 month-old terror that she is wanted to go outside and see why dad was outside and she wasn't. After the worst had passed, we ducked outside to grab a few hailstones. I, of course, had to snap a photo and relate the hailstone's size to a quarter (the hail was larger) and after I had taken the photo, The Youngling grabbed the piece of ice and was instantly happy.

Until it melted. That's when the breakdown happened. I've never seen anyone of any age so utterly distraught over the melting of ice. It was sort of funny to me but also maddening and a little deafening because she expresses herself only three ways -- giggling, cryling and hysterically crying. But last night she took it to a whole new level and added a fourth form of expression. Hysterically screaming with intermittent fits of stomping wildly.

Somewhere, deep inside, I was laughing but this sort of behavior -- at least from a kid -- isn't tolerated. So we stepped in to action and tried to calm the situation but once a toddler's hailstone melts, there is no place for calming. The only cure for a loss as great as a piece of ice is time. And in due time, she calmed down enough to move on from that tragic loss.

If you want to see photos of the storms which swept through much of Minnesota, check out MinnPics.

The art of winter driving

Face it - winter driving isn't easy. Especially if you're a Minnesotan. The crippling fear. The clenched white knuckles. The tense arms straining to hold the wheel steady. The soiled underwear from even the slightest unpredicted movement of your car as snow flakes wander aimlessly across the highway. The headache from seeing an endless stream of brake lights. It makes for a universally shitty day.

But why does it make for such a craptastic day? Why do even a few flurries turn us all into crippled invalids unable to drive even half of the speed limit?

It all boils down to varying levels of stupidity. There is the stupid driver creeping along at 25 miles per hour on the freeway. Then there's the stupid driver screaming like a bullet at 70 miles per hour on a two lane county road. There has to be some sort of happy medium between those two extremes. If not, I suppose that there's always the possibility that one (or both) will receive the Darwin Award.

But now that the snow seems to have ended outside my window, we've been given a reprieve. But we all know that there's a day coming - a perfect storm - when it will be snowing at 3 PM and just keep on snowing through the afternoon rush hour - making it last until 8 PM. It's coming and we all know it. I only hope that those unskilled drivers prepare. I hope that the stupid drivers up their intelligence. I hope that I get my front tires replaced.

I also hope that you'll check out MinnPics. A home for all things photographic about Minnesota that likes when you check it out.

A milestone I'd rather not achieve

Within the next couple weeks I'll be forced to achieve a milestone that most people hit well over a decade earlier. Call me a late bloomer if you want but this milestone has me more pissed off than anything.

This past summer we bought a 2007 Toyota Rav4. It was decided just after the birth of The Toddler that my old lady's Toyota Solara, a two-door luxury wanna-be sports car, wouldn't work much longer as we spent time crawling in and out of the back seat to retrieve an increasingly heavy car seat.

My old lady's back sucks without being hunched over and retrieving a wiggling infant so we began our search for an official grown-up vehicle. We decided that my fifteen year-old Pontiac Grand Prix could be sold and we'd be back to two vehicles and all would work out.

The vehicle search began over a year ago. We test drove a Dodge something 4-door. That car sucked. Sorry Dodge but you need to do better but I'll never know about the Dodge Caliber because the douchebag at a certain now-closed Denny Hecker dealership wouldn't even let us testdrive it. We tried out a couple of Volkswagen Jettas. They were small, nimble and fast as hell but we were really looking for something around the same size as the Solara. After a doctor's appointment at the famed Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN we test drove a Scion Xb, a Scion Xd, a Toyota Camry and a Toyota Corolla. At this point I was liking the pleasantly ugly Scion Xb.

Then this summer, after hitting the magical number in savings for a down payment, we test drove more vehicles. The next Friday, after scouring the internet for just the right vehicle, we hit the road to Mankato and 90 minutes later we were driving that 2007 Toyota Rav4.

A few months later it was time to change the oil. I located the appropriate oil filter - a crazy paper cartridge type - and bought a couple large jugs of oil. A couple nights later I got my gear together and crawled under the Rav4. I muddled and grumbled and cursed. This things was a damn nightmare. Something I had never seen in my fifteen years of changing oil in my vehicles. And the "can" housing the paper cartridge oil filter was so over-tightened that no amount of torque would budge it. I even called my brother-in-law mechanic who had no ideas or tools to aide me. I finally gave up, frustrated, and just drained the existing oil and replaced it with new. Then the cycle began again last weekend. The second oil change and I was prepared. I had what was promised to be a "damn good filter wrench" from NAPA and this time I would win the battle.

Then it happened. I was under the Rav4 again and the "damn good filter wrench" was constantly slipping. I needed something with more gripping power so off to another auto parts store where I found a kick-ass gripping jaws model that I KNEW would put me in the winner's circle.

Thirty minutes later the NAPA wrench was broken in half and my hand was nearly raw from torquing on the jaw-style wrench with my ratchet. Again I resorted to replacing only the oil and was left with a rather angry wife - angry about how much time I had spent to "accomplish nothing" and the amount of money I spent doing something "that I knew I could never do". Way to be supportive.

So in the next couple weeks I need to find an oil change place that won't cost a damn fortune. I've never had to pay someone to change my oil because it was ingrained in me growing up that you'd be foolish to ever pay for something so simple. Apparently my dad had never met this oil filter.

Today I sit as a defeated man in search of a lube and filter shop that will be able to remove the impossible oil filter can and make it possible for me to finally be able to change my own oil in the old lady's crossover. Yes, these are the battles I stupidly face every day.

One battle I enjoy is finding stunning photos to showcase at MinnPics. Check out what treasures of Minnesota await you today!

The Chrysler dealer closing list

The development of Chrysler deciding to shutter nearly a third of their dealerships - all of which the deem as "underperforming" - makes it abundantly clear that there is finally some amount of oversight from the federal government that they expect results and changes when a corporation accepts federal bailout dollars.

Maybe it will finally be a wake-up call that not every town of a couple thousand people can now sustain a healthy business community. Chalk it up to the Walmart-ization of America but business lives in America's big cities and it (now) dies in the heartland. Small cities don't have the same sort of community vibe that they did at the turn of the 20th century. There is no corner drug store, no general store, no cafe where locals frequented, met their neighbors and mulled over the latest gossip. If the young people (a.k.a. the next generation) don't see opportunity there in their future they leave and take their spending money with them. The car companies simply by inventing, manufacturing and improving automobiles since their inception essentially did themselves in by making travel over long distances both possible and comfortable.

I'm actually surprised that I didn't see more Minnesota/Northern Iowa/western Wisconsin dealerships on the list (available in its entirety here), especially in the Twin Cities metro.

Chrysler dealers to close/lose sales of the Chrysler-Dodge-Jeep line:

Lyons Dodge - Mason City, Iowa
Ken Krause Motors - Emmetsburg, Iowa
Motor Inn Inc. - Estherville, Iowa
Motor Inn Inc. - Le Mars, Iowa
Schuelke Auto Company - Storm Lake, Iowa

Chilson, Inc - Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Johnson Motors - St Croix Falls, Wisconsin
Quinn Motors - Ellsworth, Wisconsin

Denny Hecker's Chrysler Dodge Jeep - Pine City, Minnesota
Factor Motors - Le Center, Minnesota
Fury Dodge - Lake Elmo, Minnesota
Marchant Motor Company - Spring Valley, Minnesota
Mason Motor Company - Excelsior, Minnesota
Nereson Automotive (Jeep) - Detroit Lakes, Minnesota
Paul Busch Auto Center - Wabasha, Minnesota
Pen Motors Inc. - Duluth, Minnesota
Salem Motors, Inc. - Crookston, Minnesota
Salmon Motors, Inc. - Tracy, Minnesota
Scholtes Motors - Worthington, Minnesota
Scott-Preusse, Inc. - Redwood Falls, Minnesota
Sonju Two Harbors - Two Harbors, Minnesota
Stillwater Motor Company - Stillwater, Minnesota
Walser Hopkins Dodge - Hopkins, Minnesota

Important things: The Tire

Not too many people think about the inner workings of their automobile as they throw the transmission into gear and depart from their driveway each day in their journey to their coal mine of choice. It might be due to modern civilization taking conveniences for granted or maybe because not too many people understand how their automobile works.

Whatever the case is, one of the more important pieces of the modern automobile (outside of the engine) are the tires. Without these magical rubber creations, your car, truck, van, SUV or lawn mower would travel on steel and that produces a rather unforgiving ride in terms of comfort. It also chews up highways and reduces fuel economy. But the tire still gets overlooked. It gets neglected because you don't check its air pressure. It wears unevenly because you're too busy with such miniscule tasks like taking care of your toddler. So the forlorn tire suffers through this neglect and it feels used.

Today's tires guide you through sunny days, rainy days, icy days and snowy days. It's alot like the mailman of your car, truck, van, semi-tractor, SUV or lawn mower. Tires aren't admired like the rest of the car. Nobody bases their purchase of a vehicle on what brand tires it's sporting. Tires are like the bottom of your shoes. You don't notice them until something goes wrong.

I will admit to cursing profusely when I encountered a flat tire on my way to the office a couple weeks back when the air temperature was -29 degrees. I then took a step back and realized that this particular tire had piloted by car for nearly 80,000 miles. I had taken it for granted up to that point but hand't neglected its maintenance.

So today, take a minute and admire the tires you own. Take your automobile through the car wash and spring for the full on tire wash treatment. Buy a can of the shiny tire cleaning foam and treat your rubber accessories to a fancy bath. Remember that tires are indeed important things.

Nobody really photographs tires unless they are attached to a shiny, chromed-out classic car but check out MinnPics because you never can tell what photos will be showcased next.

Is Detroit worth saving?

I drive a typical American-made car. It's old (14) and it's developing skin cancer (rust). While it's had relatively few hugely inconvenient problems, I am less than impressed by the more current offerings of the American auto makers.

It's not that I'm some wine-sipping elitist. I don't buy a car because I'm compensating for something. I am more swayed by a combination of style, reliability, performance, cost and fuel economy.


Sure, American-made cars have some pretty impressive syles coming down the assembly lines but where is the 40 miles per gallon that they promised us 15 years ago? For far too long, American auto makers realized that the models selling for the highest prices would net them more money. That got the Big Three auto makers into a rut of churning out huge, inefficient SUVs. If you don't believe me, take a spin through your local Chevy, Chrysler or Ford dealer's lot. The majority of vehicles will be SUVs, mini-vans and full-size trucks.


There is a purpose for each and every one of these vehicles. My dad owns two full-size Ford trucks. Many of my friends own a truck or an SUV and they have legitimate uses for them. The problem lies with those who realized over this past summer that they could do without their trucks or SUVs. Those who could do without were what made Detroit's Big Three auto makers large, bloated and unable to change their ways. They bought out of wants, not needs. When gas hit 4 bucks per gallon, more and more people traded their guzzlers in favor of more economical choices.


The past few years were the ultimate undoing of Detroit.


In a free market, those unable to adapt to changes quickly have make large cuts. Some re-emerge more nimble and competitive. Others don't re-emerge. Suddenly buying American doesn't mean choosing between Ford, Chevy or Chrysler. The imports of the previous decades are mainly made in America. These companies didn't put all their eggs in the SUV basket. They maintained their core fuel-efficient models and added a full mix of vehicles. Now they have simply scaled back production of the latter and ramped up the production of their core models. Detroit isn't that flexible and simply won't be able to compete until they are.

Oh, and when it comes to bailing out Chrysler for the second time in 30 years, let's consider the rather impressive wealth of its corporate parent - private equity firm Cereberus. Rather than trying to save jobs, they are more concerned about their investment in Chrysler when they have billions, possibly hundreds of billions, (or more) or dollars in capital in which to invest. They aren't worried about jobs, they want to save their wallets. Maybe this is a case where a company would be better off in the hands of the government than under private ownership.

Auto makers, bailouts and dominos

The latest piece of the economic house of cards to almost buckle is that of the "big-three" (Ford, GM, Chrysler) automakers. On one hand, I can blame their near-demise on the fact that when times were good (the '90s), they failed to look ahead and failed to realize that all good things do eventually come to an end.

Instead of actually capitalizing on the future demands, they instead banked on the falsehood that gas prices would hover around a buck a gallon and continued to roll out SUVs which seem to look very much the same. While General Motors did actually think ahead albeit, briefly, and produce the GM EV-1 electric car, they quickly un-leased these vehicles and promptly crushed them. Little did they know that in 2003 when they crushed just over 1,000 of the 160 mile range electric cars and bank their future on more profitable SUVs that the tide would change in a few short years and they'd be back to square one trying to introduce an electric car all over again.

Even as gas prices rocketed past four bucks per gallon this past summer, GM continued to roll out SUVs such as the Chevy Traverse and the GMC Acadia.

Chrysler, though, is the worst offender. Their lineup consists of a brand (Jeep) whose stable of vehicles was once simple and utilitarian but has now become bloated and all seem similar in nature.

The big problem is that, as a country, we can't let these dinosaurs of manufacturing go by the wayside. Automotive sales amount to 10% of all sales in America and provide literally millions of jobs. The only logical thing to do is to bail out these behemoths with the condition that they pare down their line-ups, reduce duplicity, shed redundant brands (think GMC, Mercury and Saturn) and increase fuel efficiency while shaving down the number of dealers as well as the inventory they carry.

If even one of the big three auto makers fails, it will cause a domino effect. Think of how many automotive advertisements you see, hear and read during the course of just one day. Imagine if that amount (think 10-15% of all advertising) of revenue were to vanish. What would that do to broadcasters and print media which is already in the shitter? Do you really want to think about that sort of domino effect and what sort of unemployment numbers would result from such a scenario?

One man to blame for Denny Hecker woes

For those unfamiliar with the name Denny Hecker, he is a Twin Cities area automotive selling giant. For those who do know the Denny Hecker name, you'll recognize him from the endless commercials in which he seemed to nearly prey on those with bad credit, slow credit or no credit. He sells new cars across the Twin Cities, he sells used cars, he rents cars via Advantage Rental and I think he even, at one time, dabbled in home financing.

It sounds like this giant was diversified. Until this past week when, after blaming his company's woes on Chrysler Financial cutting off his line of credit Denny Hecker shut the doors of six Twin Cities dealerships. They weren't all Chrysler outlets but many of them were. Particularly the one in Shakopee which he purchased earlier this year.

That one I can offer up an explanation for its closure. The salesmen (okay, one salesman) sucked. My old lady and I stopped by there in September because we were looking for a more infant friendly ride. She already has a Toyota purchased from Hecker's Inver Grove store so we began our search at Denny Hecker's Shakopee Dodge.

That afternoon stop, as brief as it was, turned me off completely to at least Dodge dealers if not all Hecker dealerships.

That one particular sales guy was, well, how do I say it, he was a dick. Sure, he showed us a few models but only the purty outsides. He wouldn't even grab a set of keys to open up one of those precious Dodge vehicles to show a couple very serious about buying just what these apparently only pretty on the outside vehicles offered once the doors were swung open. How do I know if that Dodge Caliber had enough legroom? How do I know that my carefully styled hair wouldn't hit the headliner as I craned my neck while backing up? How do I know if the Caliber sounded like a damn queef when it was running?

Turns out that Denny Hecker's Shakopee Dodge wasn't the place to help me sort out my automotive purchasing options. It won't be anytime soon either as when I drove by today, the signs were dark. I know that there were many people working there who did their jobs well and they are victims of bad times but that one salesman soured me and I place the blame of a crumbling automotive sales empire squarely on that one dickish salesman's shoulderss. He's the real reason behind the failing of the Denny Hecker empire.

Car photos? On MinnPics? Hey, it could happen but you'll have to check for yourself to see.

How to rate gas mileage when no gas is used

Can a car truly break the 150 miles per gallon (MPG) mark? Well, it can if it's this company which heavily modified a Saturn VUE Hybrid. The company, AFS Trinity, also claims that they are being "muzzled" by the dark shadowy figures behind the L.A. Auto Show who are in the pockets of Big Auto.

The problem lies in their 150 mpg claim. No, the vehicle, a plug-in electric hybrid, barely uses gas but instead derives its power from electricity. Of course if your vehicle doesn't use gas as its main source of power, your MPG rating will be off the charts. The sticky part of this math is that the average consumer is still beholden to the almight MPG rating because, well, we really aren't used to having a Plan-B.

Instead, tout how far it can go on a trip per charge. Break that down to a cost per mile driven based on the average price of electricity. Convert that to the average cost for driving 15,000 miles per years and compare that with a few different gas prices such as $2.00, $3.00 and $4.00/gallon and let people draw their own conclusion.

A better Prius is coming

This is of interest to me for two reasons. First off, the Toyota Prius is a great example of how to make a car with exquisite fuel economy coupled with technology no other car maker seems even interested in using. Secondly, Toyota is managing to make the upcoming Prius model bigger, more powerful and with better fuel economy and it's likely going to be the car which replaces my aging Pontiac Grand Prix.

The idea of the exact same Prius that currently gets around 45-50 miles per gallon having more power and even better gas mileage is perplexing to me because current gas-only cars seem to think that it's some grand accomplishment that they can eek out almost 30 miles per gallon. Well, auto makers of the stone-age, only Fred Flintstone would be impressed with that but I, naive fools, am not from Bedrock.

I have to wonder where the former great American innovation has gone. Where are the dreamers who sent our astronauts to the moon? How soon before Toyota pushes the 100 mpg barrier? How long before they come up with viable and affordable technology that is gas-free? Why do the "big 3" automakers seemingly refuse to try anything new and are they firmly in the pockets of big oil? Come on, anything's possible.