Only a prick would ban dildos

After reading this Slate story on the illegality of "toys of sexual gratification" (you know what I mean) in states such as Texas (wow, what a shocker) and Mississippi (color me surprised) to name a couple, I got to snooping about dumb laws still on the books in Minnesota.

I only found two that were peculiar to me. Apparently both the act of oral sex and sleeping naked are just cause for legal action in the Land of 10,000 Lakes. Why is that? Were old-timey Minnesotans straight-up prudes or did a couple of lawmakers have a grudge to settle with someone? What would cause a politician (likely sporting a stove pipe hat) to think that sleeping without 'yer wool jammies was cause for some jail time? Did his wife have a case of ice ass or had he caught a glimpse of his next door neighbor getting a late-night cup of water from the backyard well?

As for the oral sex one, maybe said politician's wife had a fondness for performing the act but she also had the unfortunate habit of involving her teeth as well. What better way to avoid some awkwardness than flat out banning the very act where the end result would have been the very reason to invent the Band-Aid?

But back to Texas. Are the prudes in the land of cowboys really so insecure that they think their wives may be wooed away by a piece of carefully shaped plastic? Seriously Texans, I've heard ads on the radio right here in the Twin Cities for honest to gosh stores (The Smitten Kitten) selling "fun toys for her" or some other slyly worded marketing line. That fact alone should convince folks in The Lonestar State to throw caution to the wind and allow "pleasurable toys" to be sold. If for no other reason than the sales tax alone.

Think of all the lonely ladies wearing Wrangler jeans and girly cowboy hats that would stroll through the doors of their friendly neighborhood "marital aids" shop for a little something to tide them over while their big burly man of a man spent a couple long weeks riding the range roping steers.

Just think, too, about not having to explain to her cowboy husband all the odd out-of-state charges to their Lonestar Bank Visa for items that would make the Wrangler-wearing cowgirl blush. Factor in the convenience and it's a no-brainer. If only women in these states would finally be given the right to vote.

I have to wonder if I've overlooked any stupid laws. Have any of you ever been cited for something so stupid it made you ask the officer if he was serious? Have you frequented Minneapolis' "Smitten Kitten"?