Is Trick or Treating Dead?

"Is Trick or Treating Dead?" WCCO Good Question guy Jason DeRusha asked this question earlier today on his blog and his general reaction was that it's moving from a neighborhood event to a mall/event-centric "holiday". Hell, calling Halloween a holiday, in the traditional sense, is a bit of a stretch but it's marked as such on calendars so holiday it is.

Halloween, in my experience, isn't becoming any more of a mall-centric holiday for kids than it was when I was a wee-little goblin shaking down neighbors for candy. Halloween has always been about the kids because, let's face it, you look like a total dick if you're walking through the neighborhood smoking a cigarette in costume. That's either a sign that you're too damn old to beg for candy in your "costume" (turning your hat backwards and wearing your dad's uniform is NOT a costume) or you're a delinquent who needs to be locked up for your own good. And as much as I appreciate a nice cleavage-sporting costume, fifteen years old is not the appropriate age for that costume, now nineteen is a totally different story.

But back to the candy. The prices of candy are what piss me off - I spent about twenty bucks this year because I'm actually a nice guy. I willingly throw on my porch light each Halloween night and hand out candy to those who come to the door. It's usually the only time each year that I see 99% of these kids and they know damn well that they're leaving with at least one piece of candy.

Which brings me to another point. At least have the decency to say "Trick or Treat" when you hold out your pillowcase, shopping bag or plastic pumpkin. Don't be some ungrateful little prick who feels entitled to candy just because you had to walk all the way from your mom's minivan to my front door. And say "Thanks" after I drop the piece of candy into your little bag. Where the hell are your manners? That's why I like the under-five crowd. They are always the most polite (or shy) and they usually have mom or dad in tow with them. The ten-plus crowd is where they get to be "too cool" to try. They've taken on the mentality of their group leader and follow whatever attitude he or she displays - rarely is it a polite one. This is the douche crowd. They are too cool to even mutter a single word after I open the door. They are the ones who sometimes just walk around without a costume. Come on, even I wear a costume. This year, trick or treaters will either be greeted by hula girl Sornie or slutty nurse Sornie (both costumes I've previously worn - I like to recycle).

Which brings me to my final point. Halloween is one of the few "holidays" which is equally enjoyed by a broad group of ages. We all know that kids love it because they get "free" candy. But adults love it because they get to dress up like hula dancers or slutty nurses. And the adult women also get to dress up. That's what I like seeing...

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Halloween etiquette

Halloween. It's a holiday whose origins are dark and devilish and it has managed to evolve into a holiday entirely for kids and kids at heart.

It's candy and costumes. It's pumpkins and corn mazes. It's sullen teenagers who are too financially strapped to buy either candy or a costume so they drag their mopey asses around neighborhoods and beg for candy without costumes or common courtesy and politeness.

It was just after dark last night when the kid two doors down from us came a-ringin' our bell with three of his slacker friends, all sans costumes of course, to beg for candy. The doorbell rang and my wife opened the door to find these Future Losers of America standing blankly at our front door. They said nothing and simply held out their bags. The missus threw out one tiny candy bar to each of them and followed them halfway down the sidewalk, cautious that these FLA's didn't kick over one of our eleven jack-o-lanterns.

Once down the sidewalk, one loudly announced that he had to piss and did so in the middle of the street. At least he was off of our property and, honestly, what guy hasn't relieved himself in the street but those times are usually at 3 AM after a 750 of Jack Daniels, not at 6:40 PM when the neighborhood is strewn with kids dressed up as Wizard of Oz characters, Power Rangers, slutty bees, slutty Catholic school girls and slutty genies (all of which graced our doorstep).

Etiquette, though, was missing from a few. The youngest always said "trick or treat" and followed it with a youngish "thank you". These kids obvious come from parents who know what respect is. Hell, even the 14 year-old troop of slutty costumers had the same level of politeness, something messing from the pisser party who came earlier.

Is there a lesson here? Sure. Be polite. I think that I gave a candy bar to a twenty-something last night because this person was polite and had a kick-ass costume. See, politeness goes a long way and don't ever piss near my property again.