Sant Claus, seen here waving at fairgoers in front of an exhibit of fresh cut Christmas trees, is alive and well and can be seen throughout the 12 day run of the Minnesota State Fair.
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Friday, December 9, 2011
Meat Nativity Scene - We Wish You a Meaty Christmas
Being that I'm a red-blooded American and that I fall into stereotypes easily, I'll just admit that I am a fan of both Christmas and meat. It was only a matter of time until some brilliant bastard combined the birth of Jesus and meat products so that's what makes this meat nativity scene both awesome and expected.
Personally, I'm hankering for a large slice, slab or square of this meat nativity scene. The manger -- made of tasty cured bacon -- looks particularly appetizing.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Another Christmas in the books
Christmas, thankfully, has come and gone. This year was the first that my daughter, now just over two years old, began grasping the concept of Christmas. Her realization that there was a bunch of additional presents surrounding the tree on Christmas morning was almost instant. Her plan of attack was to plow through the wrapped boxes and proceed to drag the fully assembled pink and purple big wheels through the other gifts. Apparently this one item was all she really needed but her peekaboo doll was also a hit and kept her entertained as her two sleepy parents napped in the living room. I've never known the daughter to stay so focused on one thing for so long but that doll kept her out of the refrigerator, it kept her out of the upstairs and it kept her from grabbing scissors, tape and knives out of assorted kitchen drawers.
In short, a doll for a few bucks was a small price to pay for a short nap after an exhausting week and an even more exhausting weekend. Were other parents as lucky with their toy choices that they were able to catch a Christmas morning nap? I sure hope so.
In short, a doll for a few bucks was a small price to pay for a short nap after an exhausting week and an even more exhausting weekend. Were other parents as lucky with their toy choices that they were able to catch a Christmas morning nap? I sure hope so.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Get in the Christmas spirit
As far as I'm concerned, the Christmas season is defined by two movies which just so happen to be on opposite ends of the spectrum.
On one end is Chevy Chase's hilarious and at least partially accurate portrayal of Christmas with "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation". For whatever reason, it seems to have practically vanished from broadcast on any major network but I did happen to catch a few minutes of it sometime in October on, of all channels, CMT.
On the other end is "It's a Wonderful Life". The movie is heartwarming and touching and might even bring a tear to your eye -- especially when George Bailey remembers Zuzu's petals in his pocket. "It's a Wonderful Life" is the definitive Christmas movie because it nails, in a touching fashion, what Christmas is all about. Christmas makes you think of family and the scenes where George Bailey is being shown what the world would be like had he never been born should make each and every person watching be proud of their place in the world -- even if their accomplishments seem insignificant.
To fully experience the Christmas season you have to watch both movies. Not watching both will leave a rather sizeable hole in your heart and will probably ruin Christmas.
"It's a Wonderful Life" airs locally on KARE-11 (NBC) at 7 PM on Saturday. If nothing else, it will give you something warm and fuzzy to watch as a blizzard rattles your dwelling's windows.
On one end is Chevy Chase's hilarious and at least partially accurate portrayal of Christmas with "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation". For whatever reason, it seems to have practically vanished from broadcast on any major network but I did happen to catch a few minutes of it sometime in October on, of all channels, CMT.
On the other end is "It's a Wonderful Life". The movie is heartwarming and touching and might even bring a tear to your eye -- especially when George Bailey remembers Zuzu's petals in his pocket. "It's a Wonderful Life" is the definitive Christmas movie because it nails, in a touching fashion, what Christmas is all about. Christmas makes you think of family and the scenes where George Bailey is being shown what the world would be like had he never been born should make each and every person watching be proud of their place in the world -- even if their accomplishments seem insignificant.
To fully experience the Christmas season you have to watch both movies. Not watching both will leave a rather sizeable hole in your heart and will probably ruin Christmas.
"It's a Wonderful Life" airs locally on KARE-11 (NBC) at 7 PM on Saturday. If nothing else, it will give you something warm and fuzzy to watch as a blizzard rattles your dwelling's windows.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Why Black Friday is bad
If you caught any news at all from the middle of last week until today you likely heard something about Black Friday. It traditionally marks that magical day when retailers finally sell us stupid Americans enough crap to finally have their finances for the year in the black (they have finally turned a profit). Every year poll results are posted tallying what the average American family plans on spending on Christmas shopping and how those numbers relate to previous years and every year you're likely to find a wide variance of results. One TV network says spending will be up slightly, another network says Americans won't take the clamps off their wallets for any reason whatsoever.
But what does Black Friday mean for Joe and Susy American? Do we ever see the benefits from rabid spending for 1/12th of the calendar year? I suppose that if you work in retail you'll likely see longer hours which would result in a couple of bigger paychecks but for the other 11/12ths of the year -- especially January -- those paychecks are far smaller than for the month of December. That's because people are spending like normal humans, they aren't buying crap for every member of their extended family. The month of January is particularly lackluster because the majority of overspending Americans are receiving those credit card bills form their spending orgy a month earlier.
Sure, the uptick in retail sales helps manufacturers but does it benefit Americans? Do yourself a favor and check out where a few of those bigger Christmas gifts you are giving are made. If you bought a TV or Blu-Ray player I'd assume it was manufactured in China. I'd be utterly flabbergasted if it were actually manufactered in America but stranger things have happened.
It's even worse if you're buying Christmas-related goods. All of those Christmas ornaments lining the aisles of your local Target or Walmart were probably made in China. I learned this as I pulled what seemed like hundreds of ornaments from boxes Saturday evening and hung them on the old Christmas tree. Nearly every ornament with a sticker attached said "Made in China". There's the first problem. The companies, at the very top, are probably based in America but our country definitely does not benefit from those potential manufacturing jobs because we've instead paid the wages of a sweat shop full of indentured workers somewhere in China. I fail to see how that benefits anyone but the CEOs who shipped those jobs overseas to line their own pcokets.
Lastly, Black Friday does little to further the giving spirit. Honestly folks, are you really going to give your big sister that 46" 3D LED TV you hulked in to your shopping cart inside Best Buy at 4 AM last Friday as you kicked your fellow shoppers in the shins because you saw it first? Probably not. I am not going to claim to be all high and mighty either because I'd buy the TV for myself just like you but in the end I have no use for that particular TV so I wouldn't be buying it anyhow. Sure, I'd love to have it but I already have a perfectly useable HDTV in my living room that will outlast half of the crap lining store shelves today. Black Friday essentially cons us in to buying big ticket items -- mainly electronics -- under the guise of giving to others but we all know that this stuff, all charged to our credit cards, is really going to end up in our entertainment centers as we throw the previous generation of TV or DVD player out on the curb because newer is always better -- regardless of how long it takes us to pay off.
But what does Black Friday mean for Joe and Susy American? Do we ever see the benefits from rabid spending for 1/12th of the calendar year? I suppose that if you work in retail you'll likely see longer hours which would result in a couple of bigger paychecks but for the other 11/12ths of the year -- especially January -- those paychecks are far smaller than for the month of December. That's because people are spending like normal humans, they aren't buying crap for every member of their extended family. The month of January is particularly lackluster because the majority of overspending Americans are receiving those credit card bills form their spending orgy a month earlier.
Sure, the uptick in retail sales helps manufacturers but does it benefit Americans? Do yourself a favor and check out where a few of those bigger Christmas gifts you are giving are made. If you bought a TV or Blu-Ray player I'd assume it was manufactured in China. I'd be utterly flabbergasted if it were actually manufactered in America but stranger things have happened.
It's even worse if you're buying Christmas-related goods. All of those Christmas ornaments lining the aisles of your local Target or Walmart were probably made in China. I learned this as I pulled what seemed like hundreds of ornaments from boxes Saturday evening and hung them on the old Christmas tree. Nearly every ornament with a sticker attached said "Made in China". There's the first problem. The companies, at the very top, are probably based in America but our country definitely does not benefit from those potential manufacturing jobs because we've instead paid the wages of a sweat shop full of indentured workers somewhere in China. I fail to see how that benefits anyone but the CEOs who shipped those jobs overseas to line their own pcokets.
Lastly, Black Friday does little to further the giving spirit. Honestly folks, are you really going to give your big sister that 46" 3D LED TV you hulked in to your shopping cart inside Best Buy at 4 AM last Friday as you kicked your fellow shoppers in the shins because you saw it first? Probably not. I am not going to claim to be all high and mighty either because I'd buy the TV for myself just like you but in the end I have no use for that particular TV so I wouldn't be buying it anyhow. Sure, I'd love to have it but I already have a perfectly useable HDTV in my living room that will outlast half of the crap lining store shelves today. Black Friday essentially cons us in to buying big ticket items -- mainly electronics -- under the guise of giving to others but we all know that this stuff, all charged to our credit cards, is really going to end up in our entertainment centers as we throw the previous generation of TV or DVD player out on the curb because newer is always better -- regardless of how long it takes us to pay off.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
A Christmas Eve McMeal
Hot damn, I made it through Christmas. Actually it was Christmas Eve that had more stress to it than the rest of the weekend put together. After a crazy dream concerning current happenings at my job in the early morning hours of Christmas Eve that left me mainly sleepless for my half-day of work, I knew that Christmas Eve would be the toughest day of the long weekend.
Factor in that the day began with having to shovel my 120 foot-long driveway so I could get to my office and it was beginning to slide down. Toss in having to scoop out what the snow plow left at the end of my driveway, shuffling vehicles in and out of the garage and a 50 minute commute and that day just kept getting better.
Once at work it was almost relaxing. A mostly-empty office and some note-comparing about Christmas plans and the two hours actually flew by as I tied up loose ends while my old lady and the toddler wrapped up some grocery shopping around the south metro and I waited for them to return to pick me up.
The biggest highlight was the toddler's very first McDonald's Happy Meal. She, of course, was giggly as hell which got her plenty of attention with one McWorker asking if that was her Christmas smile. I replied that it was simply her everyday smile and her Christmas smile would freeze people's faces it's so cute. Yep, the little lady thoroughly enjoyed her very first cheeseburger and I hope that this doesn't become a regular occurrence because I don't want to be the parent to some fat, lazy McKid.
On the flip side, I just spent quite a chunk of time updating MinnPics with photos of Minnesota's Christmas "blizzard" so go check 'em out.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Christmas cancelled due to snowmageddon
Click to make the snowfall map bigger but the snowphoon, snowmageddon, jesusblizzard, snownami, snownado, hohosnow or whatever else people are tagging it as on Twitter is apparently coming just in time to fuck up your Christmas plans from Wisconsin west through the Dakotas. Of particular interest is Minnesota because that's where I live and even though I have to travel the whopping sum of ten miles on Christmas day I still have to make it in to my office tomorrow (Christmas Eve) and do what amounts to a ton of shopping - even if the Target in Brainerd is out of milk.
Supposedly I'll be shoveling 15-20 inches out here in the southwest Twin Cities but, like every other forecasted storm, I'll believe it when I'm shoveling my driveway and die of a massive heart attack from heaving piles of heavy, wet snow over the already too-tall piles lining my driveway and sidewalks.
Call it stubbornness but I have no desire to own a snowblower. Those things are like the anti-snow - a lot like owning a snowmobile and unlike a snowblower, my snow shovel has never had any issues starting in cold weather. Owning a snowblower pretty much insures that it won't snow and while for plenty that would be pretty awesome I like to see snow falling. Hey, if it's going to be ass-freezing cold it might as well snow to complete the winter experience because it is Minnesota after all.
So when you're housebound for the next few days under a thick blanket of snow, check out the year-end retrospective at MinnPics. The best of the best of 2009 in photographs.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Christmas comes AFTER Thanksgiving
It's apparently Christmas. I found this out yesterday as I sprinted through the local Target store for a bag of cat food. I realized it was Christmas yesterday, November 2nd, because Christmas had relentlessly vomited across from the general area of the pet supplies. Christmas had vomited so much, in fact, that it was running in to the area where the Halloween candy and remaining costumes had been relegated to. I knew it was coming because after the back-to-school supplies disappeared in the second week of September a back-wall aisle popped up entirely full of Christmas goods.
Yes, Christmas had in fact been lurking inside the walls of Target since early September and I hate that.
It's not that I hate Christmas. Entirely the opposite, in fact. I love Christmas. My house is that house during the month of December. I deck it out classily in white Christmas lights and a Santa's Village scene because it makes kids smile and I don't mind freezing my ass off dragging all of that stuff out from the basement each year. I just don't display all of my Santa-riffic goodnes suntil an appropriate time. The day after Thanksgiving. In case retailers and shoppers everywhere have forgotten, Thanksgiving celebrates the day that the pilgrims and Native Americans sat down and shared a bountiful meal in celebration of the year's harvest. We celebrate it on the final Thursday of November. Then the next day we feverishly plow full-on in to Christmas mere hours later but at least Thanksgiving gets its moment in the spotlight.
Well, at least it used to. I can understand and even tolerate retailers having Christmas displays up shortly after Halloween. It's big business and those advertising dollars that retailers spend keep my bills paid. But if we can find time to recognize such stupid crap as Administrative Professionals Day then Thanksgiving deserves its own space and time without being whored up by the commercialism that is Christmas.
That means no Christmas music - no matter what - before Thanksgiving dinner is over.
Don't turn your Christmas lights on until the day after Thanksgiving.
Decorate the inside of your house whenever you damn well please but be aware that others will ridicule you for having garland and tinsel adorning your home on November 10th.
Keep indoor Christmas decor away from windows visible from outdoors until after Thanksgiving.
Turn off outdoor and dismantle indoor Christmas displays by January 2nd. A grace period of three days is available if you partied like it was 1999 on New Year's Eve.
All I'm saying is that holidays don't overlap. Keep them separate and if KOOL 108 or Lite FM start spinning Christmas music this year before Thanksgiving is over I am going to drive to their respective studios (closets with a computer inside) and smash that Christmas computer into tiny bits fit for decorating the station's Christmas tree.
I also promise to keep MinnPics seasonally appropriate. The photos of Minnesota will always be pleasant and compelling and rarely induce anger.
Yes, Christmas had in fact been lurking inside the walls of Target since early September and I hate that.
It's not that I hate Christmas. Entirely the opposite, in fact. I love Christmas. My house is that house during the month of December. I deck it out classily in white Christmas lights and a Santa's Village scene because it makes kids smile and I don't mind freezing my ass off dragging all of that stuff out from the basement each year. I just don't display all of my Santa-riffic goodnes suntil an appropriate time. The day after Thanksgiving. In case retailers and shoppers everywhere have forgotten, Thanksgiving celebrates the day that the pilgrims and Native Americans sat down and shared a bountiful meal in celebration of the year's harvest. We celebrate it on the final Thursday of November. Then the next day we feverishly plow full-on in to Christmas mere hours later but at least Thanksgiving gets its moment in the spotlight.
Well, at least it used to. I can understand and even tolerate retailers having Christmas displays up shortly after Halloween. It's big business and those advertising dollars that retailers spend keep my bills paid. But if we can find time to recognize such stupid crap as Administrative Professionals Day then Thanksgiving deserves its own space and time without being whored up by the commercialism that is Christmas.
That means no Christmas music - no matter what - before Thanksgiving dinner is over.
Don't turn your Christmas lights on until the day after Thanksgiving.
Decorate the inside of your house whenever you damn well please but be aware that others will ridicule you for having garland and tinsel adorning your home on November 10th.
Keep indoor Christmas decor away from windows visible from outdoors until after Thanksgiving.
Turn off outdoor and dismantle indoor Christmas displays by January 2nd. A grace period of three days is available if you partied like it was 1999 on New Year's Eve.
All I'm saying is that holidays don't overlap. Keep them separate and if KOOL 108 or Lite FM start spinning Christmas music this year before Thanksgiving is over I am going to drive to their respective studios (closets with a computer inside) and smash that Christmas computer into tiny bits fit for decorating the station's Christmas tree.
I also promise to keep MinnPics seasonally appropriate. The photos of Minnesota will always be pleasant and compelling and rarely induce anger.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Looking back
How was your Christmas? Mine was just dandy. Was it just me or did there seem to be a lot less stuff this year? Don't take that as complaining because less stuff means that maybe, just maybe, people finally woke up to reality. Maybe people realized that Christmas is more about being together with family. No matter how much you all bicker and fight, they are your family and unlike some no-name Chinese-made video game system, they won't end up in the trash or in a box in the garage in 8 months.
What was the best treat that you had at Christmas dinner? Oh, mine, you ask? My favorite was the Oreo cheesecake dessert. I love me some cheesecake and as far as pre-packaged cheesecake in a box desserts, the Oreo one it tops with me.
On and the best gift I got, that would have to be a tie between my new cordless drill and the new office chair for my home office. Both items were much-needed and will be put to good use meaning that neither will end up in a box in the garage any time soon. What about you? DId you get one of theose "Damn, I needed that" gifts? Let me know at your convenience and enjoy the long, lazy week ahead of us.
If looking back is your thing, check out MinnPics for the best photos taken in Minnesota in the past year. Check back often as more are added!
What was the best treat that you had at Christmas dinner? Oh, mine, you ask? My favorite was the Oreo cheesecake dessert. I love me some cheesecake and as far as pre-packaged cheesecake in a box desserts, the Oreo one it tops with me.
On and the best gift I got, that would have to be a tie between my new cordless drill and the new office chair for my home office. Both items were much-needed and will be put to good use meaning that neither will end up in a box in the garage any time soon. What about you? DId you get one of theose "Damn, I needed that" gifts? Let me know at your convenience and enjoy the long, lazy week ahead of us.
If looking back is your thing, check out MinnPics for the best photos taken in Minnesota in the past year. Check back often as more are added!
Monday, December 22, 2008
Is McDonald's catering to the stupids?
Here is a fairly decent analysis of McDonald's McCafe commercials. You know them, the guys discussing how they are only wearing glasses to be smart and the one still airing with women admitting that they like watching reality TV and one not knowing where the fuck Paraguay is (hint: it's next to Uruguay).
Watch them. I'll wait.
Done? Good.
Alright.
To the casual observer, they seem fairly straight-forward. Drink our fancy coffee because we cater to the everyday American with our everyday prices. Then watch them, particularly the one with the women, and it does start to become overtly offensive. And not just to women.
Apparently, McDonald's wants to further the stereotype that being smart is a bad thing and that being dumb as a fencepost is very American. On the other hand, being smart doesn't mean that you have to listen to jazz and give up wearing heels. Fuck you McDonald's, your food makes my clothes stink and makes my car smell like a garbage can. Factor in that I don't even like coffee and that you have made America a bunch of sloppy fatties and you single-handedly belong inside every damn Wal-Mart store in this crumbling country.
Merry Christmas and enjoy your McDonald's gift cards!
Watch them. I'll wait.
Done? Good.
Alright.
To the casual observer, they seem fairly straight-forward. Drink our fancy coffee because we cater to the everyday American with our everyday prices. Then watch them, particularly the one with the women, and it does start to become overtly offensive. And not just to women.
Apparently, McDonald's wants to further the stereotype that being smart is a bad thing and that being dumb as a fencepost is very American. On the other hand, being smart doesn't mean that you have to listen to jazz and give up wearing heels. Fuck you McDonald's, your food makes my clothes stink and makes my car smell like a garbage can. Factor in that I don't even like coffee and that you have made America a bunch of sloppy fatties and you single-handedly belong inside every damn Wal-Mart store in this crumbling country.
Merry Christmas and enjoy your McDonald's gift cards!
What to do about bad Christmas gifts
It's a fact that comes with Christmas. Every year you'll get some God-awful gift that makes you cringe. You could chalk it up to the gift-giver not doing any reasearch what so ever about the intended gift recipient or you could chalk it up to the gift giver simply not caring whether or not their gift is appreciated. The one thing that the gift giver should remember is that it is their hard-earned money (more often than not) that they are pissing away by giving a terrible gift. Something unnecessary or kitschy is rarely appreciated. If you plan on going that route, save everyone a lot of anguish and just wrap up some crap you have in the back of your closet. At least that way you aren't wasting your own dollars on something that nobody wants.
Now let's say that you've gotten something truly ghastly on Christmas morning. What the hell do you do with that abomination? Should you immediately set it on fire and throw it back in the gift giver's face? Should you bottle your anger up inside and wait until after Christmas dinner to take the gift outside, urinate on it and bury it in the snow bank on the boulevard, hoping that when the snow melts that it takes this shitty gift down the storm sewer, never to be seen again?
No way. This is Minnesota and in the spirit of the bullshit that is Minnesota nice (a.k.a. avoiding conflict and confrontation and the truth at all costs) you're going to thank the gift giver for their crappy gift. You'll smile from ear to ear, thank them for it and kindly pose for a photo with it. That's the Minnesota way. And after Christmas, you'll take this shit-storm of a gift to the nearest thrift store, Goodwill or Salvation Army and give it a home. A home where it should have been all along because as nice as it is to receive something, it's even better to give something. Except a cold, so cover your damn cough.
Feel free, too, to visit MinnPics because great photography is bettter than any gift (except for cash). Check it out for something great and new every day!
Now let's say that you've gotten something truly ghastly on Christmas morning. What the hell do you do with that abomination? Should you immediately set it on fire and throw it back in the gift giver's face? Should you bottle your anger up inside and wait until after Christmas dinner to take the gift outside, urinate on it and bury it in the snow bank on the boulevard, hoping that when the snow melts that it takes this shitty gift down the storm sewer, never to be seen again?
No way. This is Minnesota and in the spirit of the bullshit that is Minnesota nice (a.k.a. avoiding conflict and confrontation and the truth at all costs) you're going to thank the gift giver for their crappy gift. You'll smile from ear to ear, thank them for it and kindly pose for a photo with it. That's the Minnesota way. And after Christmas, you'll take this shit-storm of a gift to the nearest thrift store, Goodwill or Salvation Army and give it a home. A home where it should have been all along because as nice as it is to receive something, it's even better to give something. Except a cold, so cover your damn cough.
Feel free, too, to visit MinnPics because great photography is bettter than any gift (except for cash). Check it out for something great and new every day!
Friday, December 19, 2008
My Christmas list
Every year I grab a scrap of paper and jot down things, as they pop into my head, that would be of great use to me in the upcoming year. I call it my Christmas wish list and I usually divide it up between my parents and my old lady. This year was easier as I gave the whole shebang to my parents but that's a story for another day.
This year, though, I went ahead and still wrote up two Christmas lists. One for my parents and one for you, my readers.
Burger King Cologne
Damn right. I've always wanted to walk around all day smelling like a Double Whopper and a large order of french fries. Now I can, but only if you come through for me. I'd imagine that you could order it alongside a #1 Whopper Meal (which, coincidentally, will make you have to take a huge #2 later). Hell, it probably comes in a waxed paper container like their drinks do. Well, whatcha waiting for? See the Flash site. Buy the cologne. Hell yeah, the King is gonna get folks laid this Chirstmas!
Chanel Beef Jerky Purse
No, I havent' taken to cross dressing but who says that a guy can't carry a purse? I have alot of crap I carry around so why not a bag to carry all that crap in? Oh, and did I mention that if I get hungry I can eat the fucker? So many things we use have at least two purposes so why should a purse be excluded? Imagine the hungry homeless people following you as you tote your stuff around town in your beef jerky purse... yummy.
Gothic Kittens
They're dark. They're pierced. They're edgy. They're probably the subject of a humane society investigation but Gothic Kittens just sound intriguing. I'm not condoning the piercing of your kitty (well maybe... if you catch my drift) but goth definitely isn't out of style yet. Hell, I'm wearing a black sweater today so why not a pierced kitty? It's all about accessorizing.
Or you could skip getting me crappy gifts and head over to MinnPics and show some love to the great photos and their photographers.
This year, though, I went ahead and still wrote up two Christmas lists. One for my parents and one for you, my readers.
Burger King Cologne
Damn right. I've always wanted to walk around all day smelling like a Double Whopper and a large order of french fries. Now I can, but only if you come through for me. I'd imagine that you could order it alongside a #1 Whopper Meal (which, coincidentally, will make you have to take a huge #2 later). Hell, it probably comes in a waxed paper container like their drinks do. Well, whatcha waiting for? See the Flash site. Buy the cologne. Hell yeah, the King is gonna get folks laid this Chirstmas!
Chanel Beef Jerky Purse
No, I havent' taken to cross dressing but who says that a guy can't carry a purse? I have alot of crap I carry around so why not a bag to carry all that crap in? Oh, and did I mention that if I get hungry I can eat the fucker? So many things we use have at least two purposes so why should a purse be excluded? Imagine the hungry homeless people following you as you tote your stuff around town in your beef jerky purse... yummy.
Gothic Kittens
They're dark. They're pierced. They're edgy. They're probably the subject of a humane society investigation but Gothic Kittens just sound intriguing. I'm not condoning the piercing of your kitty (well maybe... if you catch my drift) but goth definitely isn't out of style yet. Hell, I'm wearing a black sweater today so why not a pierced kitty? It's all about accessorizing.
Or you could skip getting me crappy gifts and head over to MinnPics and show some love to the great photos and their photographers.
Friday, December 12, 2008
A Merry Baldwin Christmas confirmed!
It's real and it's going to be fabulous!
A Merry Baldwin Christmas is confirmed and the on-screen graphics still sent to me by one of my contacts says it all...
This fucker is gonna be cheap. What, we couldn't even assemble the Baldwin brothers together in matching Christmas sweaters? Sweet tap-dancing Christ, it would be better with only half of the Baldwin brothers and if a fight breaks out, then NBC has a winner on their hands. However, it's gonna be live too so keep your fingers crossed for that fight. Check it out next Thursday (December 18) on NBC at 9/8c.
As far as NBC keeping this bastard of a special such a secret, maybe they know it's going to suck or maybe they are planning some sort of huge blitz over the upcoming week to promote it. (What do I care, I got the damn exclusive here!) Whatever the case, tune in and find out.
And if still photography is your thing, tune in to MinnPics for captivating photography throughout Minnesota.
A Merry Baldwin Christmas is confirmed and the on-screen graphics still sent to me by one of my contacts says it all...
This fucker is gonna be cheap. What, we couldn't even assemble the Baldwin brothers together in matching Christmas sweaters? Sweet tap-dancing Christ, it would be better with only half of the Baldwin brothers and if a fight breaks out, then NBC has a winner on their hands. However, it's gonna be live too so keep your fingers crossed for that fight. Check it out next Thursday (December 18) on NBC at 9/8c.
As far as NBC keeping this bastard of a special such a secret, maybe they know it's going to suck or maybe they are planning some sort of huge blitz over the upcoming week to promote it. (What do I care, I got the damn exclusive here!) Whatever the case, tune in and find out.
And if still photography is your thing, tune in to MinnPics for captivating photography throughout Minnesota.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
The rumors are true
You've practically begged for it, now it's just around the corner...
A Merry Baldwin Christmas
Starring the Baldwin Brothers - Alec, William, Stephen & Daniel
More details coming soon!
Check back frequently because my media insider is telling me that the promotional materials are coming any time (this guy is risking a lot handing this stuff over to me) and while this is being quietly kept under wraps by the network (I can't say which one), it will be the kind of Christmas spectacular that's definitely a "can't miss"!
A Merry Baldwin Christmas
Starring the Baldwin Brothers - Alec, William, Stephen & Daniel
More details coming soon!
Check back frequently because my media insider is telling me that the promotional materials are coming any time (this guy is risking a lot handing this stuff over to me) and while this is being quietly kept under wraps by the network (I can't say which one), it will be the kind of Christmas spectacular that's definitely a "can't miss"!
Monday, November 3, 2008
Oh joy, Christmas is here
I still have my jack-o-lanterns sitting on my front steps. Sure, it's only November 3rd but I am confused because I hear Christmas music. Yes, for us here in the Twin Cities that means that either KOOL 108 or WLTE made the flip. Well, this year it was KOOL 108 that has managed to sully the entire month of November.
Hell, my foot still hurts from the Halloween party keg stand and the brain wizards behind KOOL 108 want me to throw on my jingle bells and go a-wassaling. Hell no. It's beyond difficult to get in to the Christmas spirit when it's 72 degrees and my afternoon plans involve buying some freshly-clearanced Halloween candy.
Way to go Clear Channel radio, you've made me loathe the final two months of the year more than all of the Christmas-whoring retailers could possibly do. Should I pull the Christmas tree out of storage and put it up or set it on fire?
UPDATE:
KOOL 108 went back to their regular oldies music at 2 PM Monday. Whether it was a moment of sanity or listener outrage remains to be seen.
Will Christmas grace the pages of MinnPics? Not until December if I can help it.
Hell, my foot still hurts from the Halloween party keg stand and the brain wizards behind KOOL 108 want me to throw on my jingle bells and go a-wassaling. Hell no. It's beyond difficult to get in to the Christmas spirit when it's 72 degrees and my afternoon plans involve buying some freshly-clearanced Halloween candy.
Way to go Clear Channel radio, you've made me loathe the final two months of the year more than all of the Christmas-whoring retailers could possibly do. Should I pull the Christmas tree out of storage and put it up or set it on fire?
UPDATE:
KOOL 108 went back to their regular oldies music at 2 PM Monday. Whether it was a moment of sanity or listener outrage remains to be seen.
Will Christmas grace the pages of MinnPics? Not until December if I can help it.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
The Christmas letter
Merry Christmas everyone! We have enjoyed a bountiful year here in Minnesota. The year began on January first as I suffered through a terrible hangover from the festivities of the previous night. That is fast becoming a tradition and one that I plan on repeating each and every year.
In all seriousness though, the winter was cold. That is typical in Minnesota. The first weekend in February brought even colder temperatures as we had our annual winter party. It's nothing fancy, just a bunch of overly boisterous and weird people that I call friends eating food and drinking booze while we play cards and chat about normal happening such as how long we each spend in the bathroom while at work. You know, typical adult conversations.
Our cats had a fantastic year as well. Those piles of fur with four legs and annoying meows still aren't bald but should be based on the large tufts of fur that float above the heat vents while the furnace runs. They are also in good health based on the exorbitant price (the feller we found on craigslist charged $10 and 2 hours of private conversation about the habits of the cats in his private office or as it truly is, the back of his 1974 Dodge conversion van) of their last checkup where they fought after being placed back in the same pet carrier they arrived in with no incident.
As for our own health, we are doing alright. We haven't had any broken bones lately despite our best efforts and the process of crab walking along the roof as I cleaned out the gutters -- although the car on blocks parked below probably would have cushioned my fall. We all make bad decisions, I just make more than most.
On the employment front, we are both still gainfully employed. I spend my weekdays rummaging through dumpsters for items to resell at monthly garage sales and the wife spends her days labeling vials of bull semen at a local farm. It's not glamorous work but it keeps us in good spirits and we can even afford to buy up some of the neighbor's bathtub moonshine for special occasions or as others would call it, Tuesday afternoon.
Christmas is the reason for writing this letter though. With the house (airstream trailer) decked to the nines, we are a sight to see during the Christmas season. After all, I did happen upon a somewhat cracked nativity scene. Sure, lil' baby Jesus' face is covered with electrical tape and Joseph's forehead has a banana peel permanently stuck to it but we are celebrating the season in style.
Merry Christmas and may 2008 bring you great tidings and a fine NASCAR season! Yee-haw!
In all seriousness though, the winter was cold. That is typical in Minnesota. The first weekend in February brought even colder temperatures as we had our annual winter party. It's nothing fancy, just a bunch of overly boisterous and weird people that I call friends eating food and drinking booze while we play cards and chat about normal happening such as how long we each spend in the bathroom while at work. You know, typical adult conversations.
Our cats had a fantastic year as well. Those piles of fur with four legs and annoying meows still aren't bald but should be based on the large tufts of fur that float above the heat vents while the furnace runs. They are also in good health based on the exorbitant price (the feller we found on craigslist charged $10 and 2 hours of private conversation about the habits of the cats in his private office or as it truly is, the back of his 1974 Dodge conversion van) of their last checkup where they fought after being placed back in the same pet carrier they arrived in with no incident.
As for our own health, we are doing alright. We haven't had any broken bones lately despite our best efforts and the process of crab walking along the roof as I cleaned out the gutters -- although the car on blocks parked below probably would have cushioned my fall. We all make bad decisions, I just make more than most.
On the employment front, we are both still gainfully employed. I spend my weekdays rummaging through dumpsters for items to resell at monthly garage sales and the wife spends her days labeling vials of bull semen at a local farm. It's not glamorous work but it keeps us in good spirits and we can even afford to buy up some of the neighbor's bathtub moonshine for special occasions or as others would call it, Tuesday afternoon.
Christmas is the reason for writing this letter though. With the house (airstream trailer) decked to the nines, we are a sight to see during the Christmas season. After all, I did happen upon a somewhat cracked nativity scene. Sure, lil' baby Jesus' face is covered with electrical tape and Joseph's forehead has a banana peel permanently stuck to it but we are celebrating the season in style.
Merry Christmas and may 2008 bring you great tidings and a fine NASCAR season! Yee-haw!
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
My Christmas goal
Even though funds are tight during the month preceding Christmas for us, I have a true goal that isn't self-serving.
My two oldest nephews are victims of circumstance. Their parents work hard and do their best. They, like too many others, haven't had the best of luck financially speaking. Sure, some choices made weren't the best but who among us hasn't done that at some time?
Now some people have heard me say that these two boys are the spawns of Satan but I always say comments like that with a kind heart. These kids are alright in my book. Sure, they are loud and have a hard time listening -- especially when it's their bedtime on the rare occasion when they are at our house but I can have my peace when they go home.
The talk, though, among their parents is that they are giving up a portion of their own Christmas for these boys. A selfless act if there ever was one. I know that I haven't thought much about Christmas myself in the way of gifts for others and to an even lesser extent for myself. I have what I need to get by. Our house is relatively warm, we are gainfully employed and we are getting by.
The oldest of the two boys, though, is approaching that age where he can start to make sense of the happenings around him. He can sense when mom is sad or when dad is upset. He doesn't directly relate events to these emotions but he is at that age when memories start to stick.
That's why a memorable Christmas is in order. It may not be in the form of tons of gifts that will be forgotten by the time the new year rolls around but there is a way. I promise to take tons of photos as they rip open the gifts they receive. These photos will mark another milestone for these two kids. I will do my part to diffuse any family bickering on Christmas day because despite the feelings among the large extended family, there is mutual love that needs to be at the forefront on Christmas and that can hopefully carry over to the days and weeks that follow.
My two oldest nephews are victims of circumstance. Their parents work hard and do their best. They, like too many others, haven't had the best of luck financially speaking. Sure, some choices made weren't the best but who among us hasn't done that at some time?
Now some people have heard me say that these two boys are the spawns of Satan but I always say comments like that with a kind heart. These kids are alright in my book. Sure, they are loud and have a hard time listening -- especially when it's their bedtime on the rare occasion when they are at our house but I can have my peace when they go home.
The talk, though, among their parents is that they are giving up a portion of their own Christmas for these boys. A selfless act if there ever was one. I know that I haven't thought much about Christmas myself in the way of gifts for others and to an even lesser extent for myself. I have what I need to get by. Our house is relatively warm, we are gainfully employed and we are getting by.
The oldest of the two boys, though, is approaching that age where he can start to make sense of the happenings around him. He can sense when mom is sad or when dad is upset. He doesn't directly relate events to these emotions but he is at that age when memories start to stick.
That's why a memorable Christmas is in order. It may not be in the form of tons of gifts that will be forgotten by the time the new year rolls around but there is a way. I promise to take tons of photos as they rip open the gifts they receive. These photos will mark another milestone for these two kids. I will do my part to diffuse any family bickering on Christmas day because despite the feelings among the large extended family, there is mutual love that needs to be at the forefront on Christmas and that can hopefully carry over to the days and weeks that follow.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
My Christmas wish list
With the Christmas season upon us, I've had plenty of requests (okay, none) from readers here asking what they could get me for Christmas to show their appreciation for the minutes of hard work I put in here on a daily basis.
So I have some ideas on what you folks can get to stuff my stocking...
There's always the Christmas favorite -- mistletoe, but I am a guy on the go so how's about some Mistletoe2Go!
That's right, a poorly thought out idea with the often talked about but never used twig and berries plant that can be attached in any place you choose. Any place. ANY PLACE... Imagine the erotic, um, romantic possibilities.
Frequent readers will know that I am a big music fan so why not give the gift of music!
I feel that the Yodeling Pickle is just the ticket. No explanation is needed because it's funny, it's a pickle, it yodels. It's a damned yodeling pickle!
And finally, the last thing on my admittedly short Christmas wish list. I work at a computer all day long as I'm sure plenty of my readers do too. Sometimes, though, the work can get a bit mundane and some entertainment is in order. That's where the USB Pole Dancing Girl comes in. You just plug her in to a USB port on your computer and, voila, a dancing girl on your desk. Sure, it's not nearly as nice as the real thing (hint) but it is a relatively decent substitute until that time.
What other odd Christmas gifts would you consider giving your favorite (I hope) blogger? Maybe a farting rubber chicken? How about the Larry Craig action figure (bathroom stall not included)? Go nuts, find it, link to it, shock me.
So I have some ideas on what you folks can get to stuff my stocking...
There's always the Christmas favorite -- mistletoe, but I am a guy on the go so how's about some Mistletoe2Go!
That's right, a poorly thought out idea with the often talked about but never used twig and berries plant that can be attached in any place you choose. Any place. ANY PLACE... Imagine the erotic, um, romantic possibilities.
Frequent readers will know that I am a big music fan so why not give the gift of music!
I feel that the Yodeling Pickle is just the ticket. No explanation is needed because it's funny, it's a pickle, it yodels. It's a damned yodeling pickle!
And finally, the last thing on my admittedly short Christmas wish list. I work at a computer all day long as I'm sure plenty of my readers do too. Sometimes, though, the work can get a bit mundane and some entertainment is in order. That's where the USB Pole Dancing Girl comes in. You just plug her in to a USB port on your computer and, voila, a dancing girl on your desk. Sure, it's not nearly as nice as the real thing (hint) but it is a relatively decent substitute until that time.
What other odd Christmas gifts would you consider giving your favorite (I hope) blogger? Maybe a farting rubber chicken? How about the Larry Craig action figure (bathroom stall not included)? Go nuts, find it, link to it, shock me.
Monday, November 19, 2007
No more Ho-Ho-Ho
Sure, I am jumping the gun on Christmas here but Australians are far ahead of me with their attempted ban of the popular Santa greeting "Ho-Ho-Ho". The reasoning is that Australian children are a bunch of scared-ass pansies and that those oh-so delicate Australian women might be offended by the Ho-Ho-Ho greeting.
This from a country founded by a bunch of exiled English prisoners. They ought to be the last ones to consider Ho-Ho-Ho too close to the American slang for prostitute being that many of their descendants may very well have been prostitutes. I'll just say it, Australians are weird. They have bizarre animals such as Kangaroos and the water goes down the drain in the wrong direction (according to an episode of "The Simpsons").
This from a country founded by a bunch of exiled English prisoners. They ought to be the last ones to consider Ho-Ho-Ho too close to the American slang for prostitute being that many of their descendants may very well have been prostitutes. I'll just say it, Australians are weird. They have bizarre animals such as Kangaroos and the water goes down the drain in the wrong direction (according to an episode of "The Simpsons").
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