If you're here for facts about male genitalia or the "penis" as it is more commonly referred to then you're totally out of luck. However, if you're here looking for the low down on weiners (or frankfurters or hot dogs) then you're in luck.
A long time ago, a friend of mine informed me that hot dogs, or weiners, were made from lips and assholes of various farm animals including pigs, cows, turkeys, chickens, rats, geese, pigeons and guinea hens. While at least some of that is true, I chose to do some investigative work to determine the real truth because people deserve to know.
Hot dogs, or weiners, were originally invented as a form of smoked meat product by Polish immigrants who settled in the New York City and Chicago areas of the U.S.A. It made sense to get the most use possible out of their relatively expensive cuts of meat. It was sort of a waste not, want not way of thinking. So, in to the grinder went the various trimmings cut from both cows and pigs. From there, the somewhat coarsely ground meat was forced in to natural (intestinal) casings and smoked to cure the meat and add flavor and sometimes provide a product needing no refrigeration.
Today, though, the mass-produced weiners we see lining our grocery store shelves are vastly different. The weiners most people place in their mouths and hungrily suck down are closer to containing lips and assholes than we'd want to think. Ponder that for a minute - everytime you're rolling that juicy weiner around in your mouth you're actually eating an asshole. Or a beak or a snout or an ear but it's much more startling to envision one eating an asshole because no matter how much that asshole is cleaned, it was still the exit for a lot of shit.
But not all weiners are created equally. Some are short but others, particularly bun length and foot long varieties, are obviously larger. But length isn't everything. Some weiners are simply larger in diameter. Those that come to mind immediately are Hebrew National and some Schweigert weiners - especially the varieties served at the new Target Field in Minneapolis. Still others plump when ready to be stuffed in to a hungry mouth. Ball Park weiners are the most notorious "plumping" brand of weiners. I don't know nor do I claim to know what makes them plump when cooked but I'll venture a guess that we wouldn't want to know either because sometimes the answer is far worse than we could ever imagine.
With that, I will conclude today's briefing of weiner facts. Don't forget, too, to visit MinnPics and see the best photos Minnesota has to offer.
Showing posts with label penis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label penis. Show all posts
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
The obsession with Tiger Woods
In literally minutes, golf legend Tiger Woods is holding a press conference. The questions remains as to whether or not he will actually answer any questions pertaining to his scandalous personal sex life and his vast collection of mistresses ranging from strippers to night club hostesses to porn stars. But Tiger Woods doesn't really need to answer these questions. He's not famous because of his once squeaky-clean private life - he's a famous man because he plays an amazing round of golf.
But Americans have practically obsessed over what has become a four month scandal because it's what the media - in all forms - has been covering. It's been on the national nightly news, it's been the subject of every nightly entertainment show, it's been the top story in all forms of sports coverage and certain cable channels have gone as far as producing hourlong specials about the affairs of Tiger Woods based on information by women of questionable repute who seem all too eager to launch themselves in to fame in any way possible.
In short, all types of media (TV, newspaper, cable news, syndicated entertainment shows, blogs and radio) have taken a relatively unimportant story and made it far more than it should have been. After all, Woods hasn't been travelling around the country speaking to groups about the virtues of being faithful to one's spouse. It would have been far more scandalous if a body double had been playing in place of Woods and winning golf tournaments while Woods claimed credit for the skills of the nameless player.
If Americans had expended one-tenth of the energy on their own lives that far too many spent obsessing or even talking about the escapades of Tiger Woods maybe the divorce rate in this country wouldn't be 50%. Maybe people would care more about their jobs if they weren't focusing so much on the happenings of others. If we gave half a shit about our own lives, the next Tiger Woods-like bombshell wouldn't matter because it doesn't directly effect us. Really, has your life been altered in one damn way because Tiger Woods has a wandering penis? Has your day-to-day routine changed at all because Tiger Woods is a whore hound?
Have I alienated half the country yet or are there still some folks left here who want to see what the latest photos are at MinnPics?
But Americans have practically obsessed over what has become a four month scandal because it's what the media - in all forms - has been covering. It's been on the national nightly news, it's been the subject of every nightly entertainment show, it's been the top story in all forms of sports coverage and certain cable channels have gone as far as producing hourlong specials about the affairs of Tiger Woods based on information by women of questionable repute who seem all too eager to launch themselves in to fame in any way possible.
In short, all types of media (TV, newspaper, cable news, syndicated entertainment shows, blogs and radio) have taken a relatively unimportant story and made it far more than it should have been. After all, Woods hasn't been travelling around the country speaking to groups about the virtues of being faithful to one's spouse. It would have been far more scandalous if a body double had been playing in place of Woods and winning golf tournaments while Woods claimed credit for the skills of the nameless player.
If Americans had expended one-tenth of the energy on their own lives that far too many spent obsessing or even talking about the escapades of Tiger Woods maybe the divorce rate in this country wouldn't be 50%. Maybe people would care more about their jobs if they weren't focusing so much on the happenings of others. If we gave half a shit about our own lives, the next Tiger Woods-like bombshell wouldn't matter because it doesn't directly effect us. Really, has your life been altered in one damn way because Tiger Woods has a wandering penis? Has your day-to-day routine changed at all because Tiger Woods is a whore hound?
Have I alienated half the country yet or are there still some folks left here who want to see what the latest photos are at MinnPics?
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Don't go on TV to talk about your genital blemishes
A guy in Lakeville is learning that nothing is actually free. The Star-Tribune tells the story in a more in-depth way than most would care to read but if you show up at a TV studio and see an audience when you expected none, you should turn the other way and run.
The guy, Tyler Bowling, seems to want it both ways. He was promised a free, brief laser surgery procedure to remove his pearly penis papules in exchange for his appearance on a medical show on an "all-medical network" that is only watched by "older people and doctors". The medical show, though, turned out to be "The Doctors" which is aired nationally in almost every television market (wow, someone in TV lied, color me surprised). In short, it's far from obscure and niche.
But this guy in Lakeville seems to want it both ways. He agreed rather hastily, after seeing that the show included a studio audience, to have the surgery. No, the surgery wasn't in front of a studio audience but he still agreed to do it. If you think that at least one person watching won't recognize you and start to spread the word, saying "Hey, Tyler's on TV and he's got pearly bumps on his penis!", then you are rather disconnected from the world.
He claims he's suffered immense embarrassment from being on the show and having the segment air during subsequent repeats but he should have also know that TV shows never die. They live on for years - even decades. If you think that a TV show is going to do anything for free, once and done, then you need a lesson in gullibility. Sure, I don't blame the guy for taking up an offer for getting a free medical procedure but the big lesson here is that nothing is free. If you've agreed to be on TV once, they own that footage forever! Don't be stupid. If it's embarrassing enough that you wouldn't tell your friends about it, then don't be a fool and go on national TV and expect less embarrassment.
Now forget about disfigured genitalia and check out the photos of Minnesota at MinnPics. If you don't a kitten dies.
The guy, Tyler Bowling, seems to want it both ways. He was promised a free, brief laser surgery procedure to remove his pearly penis papules in exchange for his appearance on a medical show on an "all-medical network" that is only watched by "older people and doctors". The medical show, though, turned out to be "The Doctors" which is aired nationally in almost every television market (wow, someone in TV lied, color me surprised). In short, it's far from obscure and niche.
But this guy in Lakeville seems to want it both ways. He agreed rather hastily, after seeing that the show included a studio audience, to have the surgery. No, the surgery wasn't in front of a studio audience but he still agreed to do it. If you think that at least one person watching won't recognize you and start to spread the word, saying "Hey, Tyler's on TV and he's got pearly bumps on his penis!", then you are rather disconnected from the world.
He claims he's suffered immense embarrassment from being on the show and having the segment air during subsequent repeats but he should have also know that TV shows never die. They live on for years - even decades. If you think that a TV show is going to do anything for free, once and done, then you need a lesson in gullibility. Sure, I don't blame the guy for taking up an offer for getting a free medical procedure but the big lesson here is that nothing is free. If you've agreed to be on TV once, they own that footage forever! Don't be stupid. If it's embarrassing enough that you wouldn't tell your friends about it, then don't be a fool and go on national TV and expect less embarrassment.
Now forget about disfigured genitalia and check out the photos of Minnesota at MinnPics. If you don't a kitten dies.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
The incredible shrinking Danish nuts
The testicle size, along with other trends such as decreased sperm count, has been on the decline for males born in Denmark - especially when compared with residents of nearby Finland. While this is troubling from a sexual and health standpoint, it's even more an issue of pride.
For women reading this, don't jump to the conclusion that every guy you pass on the street has unbuttoned his pants in the office restroom and, for lack of a better phrase, compared notes with his male co-workers. Sure, at least some guys have pulled out their package and unabashedly compared cock size with their counterparts but those who do aren't focusing on the health side of the comparison and what is happening to those poor Danish folks - the decreasing size of the nuts, balls, dangly bits or testicles.
Chalk it up to exposure to a witch's brew of chemicals in the environment during the first trimester while in the womb. Scientists have seen it by way of feminization of fish from many of the same chemicals so it makes sense that, to a certain extent, it's happening to humans as well. Now having smaller testicles (nuts from here on out) does not make for a lesser man - though I did hear an argument from a male friend standing naked from the waist down at the kitchen table during a New Year's Eve party nearly a decade back that his huge nuts made up for what he was obviously lacking in the penis department - but smallish nuts do not make a difference in the grand scheme of things. Unless the smaller size relates to a decrease in testosterone production.
That, unfortunately, is one of the problems being reported with all of that scientific research surrounding the nuts of the Danes. Could our overuse of chemicals lead to a world of borderline sterile males? Hey, anything's possible and this is an especially important topic to me because I'm only the second generation of my family born here in the good ole U.S. of A. Yep, my grandpa immigrated here from, you guessed it, Denmark. Now I'm sure that times have changed because he fathered 11 children and, based on the translated letter between a relative here in Minnesota to a brother of his in Denmark written in 1945 which I received via e-mail yesterday, that number (with only 5 or 6 kids born at that time) even in 1945 was incredible.
By virtue of my own lineage I shouldn't have much to worry about but with evolution what it is we could face a world (someday) filled with women. So maybe the future will be one where lesbian relationships are more the norm than the exception. After all, too much of a swing away from a near balance of genders would lead to either many more same-sex relationships (in this case lesbian) or polygamy becoming not only accepted but necessary for our species to continue our dominance on Earth.
Now that I've spouted off about my lack of scientific knowledge, go check out something I may actually know about - photography. The photos from all over Minnesota at MinnPics want you to look at them, they cry if you don't give them attention!
For women reading this, don't jump to the conclusion that every guy you pass on the street has unbuttoned his pants in the office restroom and, for lack of a better phrase, compared notes with his male co-workers. Sure, at least some guys have pulled out their package and unabashedly compared cock size with their counterparts but those who do aren't focusing on the health side of the comparison and what is happening to those poor Danish folks - the decreasing size of the nuts, balls, dangly bits or testicles.
Chalk it up to exposure to a witch's brew of chemicals in the environment during the first trimester while in the womb. Scientists have seen it by way of feminization of fish from many of the same chemicals so it makes sense that, to a certain extent, it's happening to humans as well. Now having smaller testicles (nuts from here on out) does not make for a lesser man - though I did hear an argument from a male friend standing naked from the waist down at the kitchen table during a New Year's Eve party nearly a decade back that his huge nuts made up for what he was obviously lacking in the penis department - but smallish nuts do not make a difference in the grand scheme of things. Unless the smaller size relates to a decrease in testosterone production.
That, unfortunately, is one of the problems being reported with all of that scientific research surrounding the nuts of the Danes. Could our overuse of chemicals lead to a world of borderline sterile males? Hey, anything's possible and this is an especially important topic to me because I'm only the second generation of my family born here in the good ole U.S. of A. Yep, my grandpa immigrated here from, you guessed it, Denmark. Now I'm sure that times have changed because he fathered 11 children and, based on the translated letter between a relative here in Minnesota to a brother of his in Denmark written in 1945 which I received via e-mail yesterday, that number (with only 5 or 6 kids born at that time) even in 1945 was incredible.
By virtue of my own lineage I shouldn't have much to worry about but with evolution what it is we could face a world (someday) filled with women. So maybe the future will be one where lesbian relationships are more the norm than the exception. After all, too much of a swing away from a near balance of genders would lead to either many more same-sex relationships (in this case lesbian) or polygamy becoming not only accepted but necessary for our species to continue our dominance on Earth.
Now that I've spouted off about my lack of scientific knowledge, go check out something I may actually know about - photography. The photos from all over Minnesota at MinnPics want you to look at them, they cry if you don't give them attention!
Monday, August 10, 2009
Lady Gaga is a hermaphrodite?
I hate celebrities but this one is just too crazy not to mention: Apparently the odd pop singer famous for her stupid statements and bizarre costumes has admitted that she is a hermaphrodite. Yes, the pop singer who burst on to the scene in the past year is supposedly the proud owner of both male and female genitalia. And there's proof via a video from England's Glastonbury Festival.
“The reason I haven’t talked about it is that it’s not a big deal to me. Like come on. It’s not like we all go around talking about our vags. I think this is a great opportunity to make other multiple gendered people feel more comfortable with their bodies. I’m sexy, I’m hot. I have both a poon and a peener. Big f*cking deal.”
That quote is as least suspicious due to the fact that it has no origin and what good is a quote if it can't be sourced to the person who supposedly said it?
In my opinion, I have to say that the freeze-frame of the video is very convincing but she must be one hell of a tuck artist if it's true because after seeing her photo shoot from Rolling Stone I did not see a bulge of any sort. On the other hand, if Lady Gaga is the owner of a penis it would at least begin to explain just how weird she is - not that a chick with a penis is destined to be weird but Gaga is extraordinarily weird. Whatever the case is, Lady Gaga doesn't deserve all of this attention. She is too weird and stupid to justify even rumors about her. I just wish she'd shut the hell up and go away.
In my opinion, I have to say that the freeze-frame of the video is very convincing but she must be one hell of a tuck artist if it's true because after seeing her photo shoot from Rolling Stone I did not see a bulge of any sort. On the other hand, if Lady Gaga is the owner of a penis it would at least begin to explain just how weird she is - not that a chick with a penis is destined to be weird but Gaga is extraordinarily weird. Whatever the case is, Lady Gaga doesn't deserve all of this attention. She is too weird and stupid to justify even rumors about her. I just wish she'd shut the hell up and go away.
UPDATE: Being that the subject of Lady Gaga being a hermaphrodite just won't go away, I did some more investigating in search of a crotch shot and, well, it seems that the bulge in the crotch of her leotard isn't a raging case of camel toe... 
At least MinnPics doesn't traffic in celebrities, rumors or any combination of the two. Check out the killer photos now!
At least MinnPics doesn't traffic in celebrities, rumors or any combination of the two. Check out the killer photos now!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Behold the Cock Shot
It's a great take off of Vince (the Sham-Wow guy) and his stupid ad for the Slap Chopper plus it actually made me laugh to the point that I had tears in mye eyes (And not from the garlic on the guy's twig). I've never heard so many differing phrases alluding to penis but watch the video, share the link and laugh (but turn down your volume a bit).
And when you're done laughing at coarse humor, click over to MinnPics and enjoy a bit of culture.
And when you're done laughing at coarse humor, click over to MinnPics and enjoy a bit of culture.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Now THAT'S a dick in a box
Check out this funny blooper during a live report on KSTP channel 5 St. Paul about a drug bust in Maplewood, MN.
Yes, that was a huge dildo.
Yes, that was a huge dildo.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Some good news for wankers
Finally some good news in these gloomy times. Well, good if you're a senior citizen and a guy. And if you can still get your soldier to stand at attention.
If you can get Pedro to rise to the occasion, feel free to jerk him around because it's good for your health!
Yep, old men, masturbation is good. You've gotten past that age when doing so will lead to hairy palms and blindness so yank your wrinkled member out and take the old fella for a test drive. Grab a copy of Sexy Seniors or the lingerie section of the Sears catalog and pleasure yourself.
Oh, you're probably wondering why it's good for your health to flog the dolphin. Well, it can prevent prostate cancer. Your ninth-grade health teacher never told you that.
So, silver haired gentlemen of the world, next time you're feeling randy (preferably within the confines of your own home) bust out your wiener and jerk it out because it's not just good, it's good for you.
Now that I've scared everyone off with talk of masturbation, check out the classy side of me at MinnPics. It's bursting with fabulous photos from across Minnesota that are just begging for your attention.
If you can get Pedro to rise to the occasion, feel free to jerk him around because it's good for your health!
Yep, old men, masturbation is good. You've gotten past that age when doing so will lead to hairy palms and blindness so yank your wrinkled member out and take the old fella for a test drive. Grab a copy of Sexy Seniors or the lingerie section of the Sears catalog and pleasure yourself.
Oh, you're probably wondering why it's good for your health to flog the dolphin. Well, it can prevent prostate cancer. Your ninth-grade health teacher never told you that.
So, silver haired gentlemen of the world, next time you're feeling randy (preferably within the confines of your own home) bust out your wiener and jerk it out because it's not just good, it's good for you.
Now that I've scared everyone off with talk of masturbation, check out the classy side of me at MinnPics. It's bursting with fabulous photos from across Minnesota that are just begging for your attention.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Toothy raccoon bit off manhood
This headline is precisely why I like British newspapers. They hold nothing back but also leave you wanting to read the story and find out the reason behind a raccoon chomping off some British dude's penis.
They went as far as identifying the man as a "pervert who was trying to rape the animal". It's no surprise that the guy was drunk, though. It is susprising that he didn't hail from Coon Rapids or Wisconsin because around these parts, that's where people get randy with wildlife.
They went as far as identifying the man as a "pervert who was trying to rape the animal". It's no surprise that the guy was drunk, though. It is susprising that he didn't hail from Coon Rapids or Wisconsin because around these parts, that's where people get randy with wildlife.
What truly is surprising is that plastic surgeons are working to repair the damage. Why, though, would they fix this guy's penis? He's just going to try and sex up a raccoon again.
While things here seem to be spiraling down the drain, MinnPics is still classy with daily photos showcasing the life and times of Minnesotans via photographs. Check it out for the latest great photo!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
I call it "Boy with Cigarette"
For many years we've heard the damned liberal media pedaling their outright lies about tobacco companies marketing their products to children. I don't know about you but I've never seen the Marlboro man during The Bugs Bunny and Tweety Show. Maybe I wasn't paying close enough attention. Maybe every frame of the animation prominently featured Joe Camel's penis nose. Again, I didn't see it.
But sometimes companies (me) go too far and the advertising message is so obvious that Ray Charles could see it.
I present to you my latest creation, Flavor Country.
I'm aware that it won't sit well with some people but breathe deeply for a second and consider how ridiculous it is. And then remember that I have a very real problem taking anything seriously.Once you're done pondering the ridiculousness of this faux advertising message, head over to MinnPics and bask in the greatness of the photos featured there from Minnesota's most skilled amateur photographers.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
If the movie is called porno, just say it
Let's get back to the fundamentals of the world as we know it. Sex. More specifically pornography. Call it porn, porno, naked lady films, nudie films, etcetera.
This weekend is a landmark of sorts for the American film industry. Friday is the release date of Director Kevin Smith's raunchiest film to date, Zack & Miri Make a Porno.
I know that given Smith's history and the casting of Seth Rogen as the lead character Zack that the movie will be funny. The dialog will be filthy. The movie will be huge as far as comedies go.
What really has my undies in a bunch is the mainstream advertising for this film.
At some times on various big television networks, the film's title appears in full, other times -- sometimes on the same network (most notably NBC) -- the title is simply displayed as Zack & Miri. What has me puzzled the most is that in early evening hours (7 PM) I saw the film's full title displayed in the commercial touting its upcoming opening and the abridged version was seen past 11 PM during an episode of Saturday Night Live.
Is it just me or it this backwards? The movie isn't a porn flick nor is it any more sexually graphic than anything else released in the past few years. We can view television shows on the major networks during prime time that depict sexual acts and feature phrases which lie just outside of George Carlin's Seven Words such as penis, vagina, nipple, camel toe, slut, whore and a whole host of phrases which wouldn't have been acceptable in the relatively tight-laced 80s but we can't see the word porno typed out in a damn commercial? Where is this supposed secular culture that the ultra-religious feverishly bitch about? I just want to see porno typed out on my hi-def tv.
Alas, there is no porn at MinnPics but there is a wealth of stunning photography from across Minnesota.
This weekend is a landmark of sorts for the American film industry. Friday is the release date of Director Kevin Smith's raunchiest film to date, Zack & Miri Make a Porno.
I know that given Smith's history and the casting of Seth Rogen as the lead character Zack that the movie will be funny. The dialog will be filthy. The movie will be huge as far as comedies go.
What really has my undies in a bunch is the mainstream advertising for this film.
At some times on various big television networks, the film's title appears in full, other times -- sometimes on the same network (most notably NBC) -- the title is simply displayed as Zack & Miri. What has me puzzled the most is that in early evening hours (7 PM) I saw the film's full title displayed in the commercial touting its upcoming opening and the abridged version was seen past 11 PM during an episode of Saturday Night Live.
Is it just me or it this backwards? The movie isn't a porn flick nor is it any more sexually graphic than anything else released in the past few years. We can view television shows on the major networks during prime time that depict sexual acts and feature phrases which lie just outside of George Carlin's Seven Words such as penis, vagina, nipple, camel toe, slut, whore and a whole host of phrases which wouldn't have been acceptable in the relatively tight-laced 80s but we can't see the word porno typed out in a damn commercial? Where is this supposed secular culture that the ultra-religious feverishly bitch about? I just want to see porno typed out on my hi-def tv.
Alas, there is no porn at MinnPics but there is a wealth of stunning photography from across Minnesota.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
The flaming penis is not a drink
Everyone who is married has gotten mad at their spouse. It's human nature.
One thing that isn't human nature is to light a dude's penis on fire.
Well a crazy Russian woman who was living with her former husband after they separated did just that.
Apparently, the thing that set her off was his penchant of lounging around the house naked and swilling vodka. Hell, just because it passes in our house in Minnesota doesn't mean that your ex-wife is going to put up with that kind of crap.
The burned man stated that "it felt like a burning torch".
Really?
I would have thought that it felt like a stripper's silky unmentionables grinding you towards throwing her another twenty-spot.
Nobody would put up with that, would they? Would you ever set someone's naughty bits aflame?
One thing that isn't human nature is to light a dude's penis on fire.
Well a crazy Russian woman who was living with her former husband after they separated did just that.
Apparently, the thing that set her off was his penchant of lounging around the house naked and swilling vodka. Hell, just because it passes in our house in Minnesota doesn't mean that your ex-wife is going to put up with that kind of crap.
The burned man stated that "it felt like a burning torch".
Really?
I would have thought that it felt like a stripper's silky unmentionables grinding you towards throwing her another twenty-spot.
Nobody would put up with that, would they? Would you ever set someone's naughty bits aflame?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)