Legendary funny woman Phyllis Diller dies today at age 95. The video below is of Phyllis Diller's last stand-up comedy performance a mere six years ago in 2006. Growing up, I remember her from what seemed like an endless parade of Bob Hope comedy specials on NBC -- that was likely in the 1980s. Being in elementary school, her comedy never struck a chord with me but looking back -- especially at her stand-up comedy, Phyllis Diller was a trend-setter. Having been a comic most of her life, she began her stand-up career in 1955 in her adoptive home of San Francisco, CA.
Her comedy, though, is what has stood the test of time. Her self-deprecating style is what works for me. An endless barrage of age jokes and poking fun at her own looks brought the comic down to earth and helped Phyllis Diller become instantly relatable to her fans.
Some of her more recent television work included appearances in at least three episodes between 1999–2003 on the long-running family drama 7th Heaven, in one of which she got drunk while cooking dinner for the household, and a 2002 episode of The Drew Carey Show, as Mimi Bobek's grandmother. She posed for Playboy, but the photos were never run in the magazine. Her voice can be heard in several animated TV shows, including The New Scooby-Doo Movies (1972) as herself, The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius (2002)] as Jimmy's grandmother, and on Family Guy in 2006 as Peter Griffin's mother, Thelma Griffin.
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Monday, August 20, 2012
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
3 things to remember when you get older
Every day we probably all think of things that we should remember down the road a stretch. But how many of us actually remember those bits of information for a later date? In lieu of taking actual notes, I though I'd put those wise bits of information right here for all to see.
You can never tell your children something too many times.
SUre, you're going to come off as a broken record when you tell them, for the twentieth time, that it's not safe to hitch a ride with a stranger unless they have a sharp knife or can of mace close at hand but beating some words of wisdom into a child's brain is better than finding out that they've spent four long months in the bottom of Buffalo Bill's well in his creepy sex dungeon. It's just common sense. Oh, and don't take candy from strangers.
Your kid(s) will have premarital sex.
You did it too so don't think you're better than everyone else. If you think that your teenager isn't already fooling around in their car, in the local cemetery, in a deserted barn or underneath the bleachers at their high school's football field you are fooling yourself. Talk to your kid about sex. Yeah, it's gonna be hella awkward and you'll probably find yourself alluding to bumble bees or bananas but it sure beats that excruciating weekend you had back in 11th grade when you waited for your girlfriend's Aunt Flow to come-a-knocking.
It's never too early to think about your own death.
Get a plan together. Your own death is nothing fun to plan for and yes, you have to pay even to die but it's part of the circle of life (or death in this case) so at least have a list of who gets what. I know that everyone in your family will be fighting over the rights to take home that killer collector plate that says you did in fact tackle the biggest burger in the west and won.
You can never tell your children something too many times.
SUre, you're going to come off as a broken record when you tell them, for the twentieth time, that it's not safe to hitch a ride with a stranger unless they have a sharp knife or can of mace close at hand but beating some words of wisdom into a child's brain is better than finding out that they've spent four long months in the bottom of Buffalo Bill's well in his creepy sex dungeon. It's just common sense. Oh, and don't take candy from strangers.
Your kid(s) will have premarital sex.
You did it too so don't think you're better than everyone else. If you think that your teenager isn't already fooling around in their car, in the local cemetery, in a deserted barn or underneath the bleachers at their high school's football field you are fooling yourself. Talk to your kid about sex. Yeah, it's gonna be hella awkward and you'll probably find yourself alluding to bumble bees or bananas but it sure beats that excruciating weekend you had back in 11th grade when you waited for your girlfriend's Aunt Flow to come-a-knocking.
It's never too early to think about your own death.
Get a plan together. Your own death is nothing fun to plan for and yes, you have to pay even to die but it's part of the circle of life (or death in this case) so at least have a list of who gets what. I know that everyone in your family will be fighting over the rights to take home that killer collector plate that says you did in fact tackle the biggest burger in the west and won.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Amy Winehouse: the ticking time bomb
When I heard via a friend's smart phone late Saturday evening that Amy Winehouse had been found dead, I made some off-color remark about her death. You'd have to be an idiot if you didn't see her death coming from a mile away. Hell, I'm surprised that she held on this long. I had her in my death pool as far back as 2008.
But nobody at 27 years old deserves to die. It's sad to think that she peaked years earlier after winning a couple of Grammys for "Rehab" which was both catchy and an ode to her defiant, booze- and drug-fueled lifestyle. She had a ton of potential as an artist. Unfortunately she was surrounded with enablers.
To see that former druggie Russell Brand referred to Amy Winehouse as a "Fucking genius" may very well be true. It's just that, outside of her Grammy-winning "Rehab", we never saw that genius. Instead, we were treated to photos of her looking like death's sick cousin. Winehouse was often photographed wearing lingerie in public -- looking like she had no idea where she even was. She sported a tattoo in script that read "Blake" which was like a love note for her on-again off-again boyfriend Blake Fielder Civil. Sadly, their love of drugs was far stronger than their love for each other but when you're both fucked out of your minds on heroin you only care about your next fix and surpassing the high of the last one. Hell, it was pretty obvious that drugs were what kept them together and tore them apart and it is a decent guess that she died of a heroin overdose. I'll be shocked if the cause of death is something else.
It seems to me that, at least in part, Amy Winehouse didn't want to be helped. Maybe she was one of those types that felt that the heroin brought her creativity. Maybe Winehouse felt that the world would be better without her -- a sort of inferiority complex. Maybe she simply liked to tempt fate as reckless rock stars sometimes do. Whatever the case, she joined the 27 club this weekend along with the likes of Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix.
As one writer put it this weekend, "Why couldn't it have been Pete Doherty who died instead?"
But nobody at 27 years old deserves to die. It's sad to think that she peaked years earlier after winning a couple of Grammys for "Rehab" which was both catchy and an ode to her defiant, booze- and drug-fueled lifestyle. She had a ton of potential as an artist. Unfortunately she was surrounded with enablers.
To see that former druggie Russell Brand referred to Amy Winehouse as a "Fucking genius" may very well be true. It's just that, outside of her Grammy-winning "Rehab", we never saw that genius. Instead, we were treated to photos of her looking like death's sick cousin. Winehouse was often photographed wearing lingerie in public -- looking like she had no idea where she even was. She sported a tattoo in script that read "Blake" which was like a love note for her on-again off-again boyfriend Blake Fielder Civil. Sadly, their love of drugs was far stronger than their love for each other but when you're both fucked out of your minds on heroin you only care about your next fix and surpassing the high of the last one. Hell, it was pretty obvious that drugs were what kept them together and tore them apart and it is a decent guess that she died of a heroin overdose. I'll be shocked if the cause of death is something else.
It seems to me that, at least in part, Amy Winehouse didn't want to be helped. Maybe she was one of those types that felt that the heroin brought her creativity. Maybe Winehouse felt that the world would be better without her -- a sort of inferiority complex. Maybe she simply liked to tempt fate as reckless rock stars sometimes do. Whatever the case, she joined the 27 club this weekend along with the likes of Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix.
As one writer put it this weekend, "Why couldn't it have been Pete Doherty who died instead?"
Monday, February 28, 2011
Charlie Sheen will be dead within the year?
No matter how hard he apparently tries to wipe himself from the face of the Earth, Charlie Sheen simply won't go the fuck away. Whether it's weekend-long cocaine benders or drinking more booze in a day that most Irish villages consume in a decade, Charlie Sheen just won't get his drunk ass out of the spotlight.
Of course it all sort of came to a head last week when he called out his show's (Two and a Half Men) creator/producer Chuck Lorre as taking advantage of him. Of course that wasn't enough for the likely crazy and/or coked-up Sheen -- he went on to reveal Chuck Lorre's Hebrew name (in a rather ethnic-clurry kind of way) as Chaim Levine. The jury's still out on whether or not that part's even true but he ventured down the Mel Gibson Expressway with a borderline ethnic slur. And so what if Lorre changed his name for showbiz purposes -- Charlie Sheen's real name is actually Carlos Estevez. But crazy druggie Charlie Sheen wasn't done yet, he of course had to drag Warner Brother TV Studio into this. They were responsible for shutting down production of Two and a Half Men last week but Sheen accused them of profiting wildly from the immensely successful show which Sheen stars in.
Outside of the obvious reasoning that businesses exist to profit wildly from their employees, this isn't really news. Sheen receives in excess of $1.25 million per episode of Two and a Half Men so unless he spending that much on cocaine 24 times each year (that would be ALOT of blow) he is rather handsomely rewarded for his twenty-two minutes of acting each week for approximately half of the year.
But why is this news? Why does it effect me?
It's the ever-present, mind-numbing analysis of nearly every step of those who entertain the masses. It's supposedly news because we like a good trainwreck. It's a twisted way to think of things but plenty of people love to see someone famous self-destruct. Sure, the Dr. Phils of the world are standing by, eager to help the oh-so-troubled stars and starlets because they are so fucking important to the world as a whole. Here's a newsflash -- THEY AREN'T IMPORTANT AT ALL. How many big name stars made a huge impact on our TV-centered culture in the past five decades and just as quickly as they became popular, they faded into obscurity?
Even more important is why do I care? I care because, like so many others, I like to see the undeservingly privileged destroy themselves. Sheen, who seems to live out a sort of autobiography as a sex and booze addicted slacker in coastal southern California on Two and a Half Men, has this coming to him. I'd like nothing more that for his show to fall off the radar. He frolicks around with prostitutes and porn stars yet claims to love his family. He has beaten his wife and girlfriends in the past yet claims to be a family man who loves and provides for them. He is the worst type of hypocrite and while the supporting cast and crew of his CBS sitcom don't deserve the unemployment line, this needs to be the end of Charlie Sheen because the mere mention of his name both infurates and intensely interests me. I hate him because he's not acting, he's just being himself but I love seeing his death spiral.
Of course it all sort of came to a head last week when he called out his show's (Two and a Half Men) creator/producer Chuck Lorre as taking advantage of him. Of course that wasn't enough for the likely crazy and/or coked-up Sheen -- he went on to reveal Chuck Lorre's Hebrew name (in a rather ethnic-clurry kind of way) as Chaim Levine. The jury's still out on whether or not that part's even true but he ventured down the Mel Gibson Expressway with a borderline ethnic slur. And so what if Lorre changed his name for showbiz purposes -- Charlie Sheen's real name is actually Carlos Estevez. But crazy druggie Charlie Sheen wasn't done yet, he of course had to drag Warner Brother TV Studio into this. They were responsible for shutting down production of Two and a Half Men last week but Sheen accused them of profiting wildly from the immensely successful show which Sheen stars in.
Outside of the obvious reasoning that businesses exist to profit wildly from their employees, this isn't really news. Sheen receives in excess of $1.25 million per episode of Two and a Half Men so unless he spending that much on cocaine 24 times each year (that would be ALOT of blow) he is rather handsomely rewarded for his twenty-two minutes of acting each week for approximately half of the year.
But why is this news? Why does it effect me?
It's the ever-present, mind-numbing analysis of nearly every step of those who entertain the masses. It's supposedly news because we like a good trainwreck. It's a twisted way to think of things but plenty of people love to see someone famous self-destruct. Sure, the Dr. Phils of the world are standing by, eager to help the oh-so-troubled stars and starlets because they are so fucking important to the world as a whole. Here's a newsflash -- THEY AREN'T IMPORTANT AT ALL. How many big name stars made a huge impact on our TV-centered culture in the past five decades and just as quickly as they became popular, they faded into obscurity?
Even more important is why do I care? I care because, like so many others, I like to see the undeservingly privileged destroy themselves. Sheen, who seems to live out a sort of autobiography as a sex and booze addicted slacker in coastal southern California on Two and a Half Men, has this coming to him. I'd like nothing more that for his show to fall off the radar. He frolicks around with prostitutes and porn stars yet claims to love his family. He has beaten his wife and girlfriends in the past yet claims to be a family man who loves and provides for them. He is the worst type of hypocrite and while the supporting cast and crew of his CBS sitcom don't deserve the unemployment line, this needs to be the end of Charlie Sheen because the mere mention of his name both infurates and intensely interests me. I hate him because he's not acting, he's just being himself but I love seeing his death spiral.
Monday, April 27, 2009
The pigs are coming to kill us
Apparently now we have one more thing to worry about. The swine flu. I'm not totally clear on this latest epidemic backed my a ton of media hype but here are the basics.
1.) If you have swine (pigs) sharing space with you in your living quarters, please move them to your basement or garage. Swine make excellent dwelling companions but spooning with them while sleeping is not recommended.
2.) Consumption of pork is fine as long as it is cooked at least to medium-rare. A warm, pink center (and what guy doesn't want that?) is the preferred level of doneness for all of your pork consumption needs.
3.) Fornication with swine should cease immediately. You'll be clear to resume your pig-fucking activities within mere weeks. Until that time, may I suggest a subscription to Naked Piggy Monthly.
4.) Blame China. China is the source of every scourge to land on our shores in the past decade or more. Think of it. Those damn Asian beetles? From China. The Emerald Ash Borer? From China. Lead-tainted toys? From China. The Daewoo brand of both cars and electronics? Pretty sure from China.
The best course of action is to ball yourself up in the fetal position and pray for mercy from our swine overlords. Or just check out MinnPics and drool over the purty photos.
1.) If you have swine (pigs) sharing space with you in your living quarters, please move them to your basement or garage. Swine make excellent dwelling companions but spooning with them while sleeping is not recommended.
2.) Consumption of pork is fine as long as it is cooked at least to medium-rare. A warm, pink center (and what guy doesn't want that?) is the preferred level of doneness for all of your pork consumption needs.
3.) Fornication with swine should cease immediately. You'll be clear to resume your pig-fucking activities within mere weeks. Until that time, may I suggest a subscription to Naked Piggy Monthly.
4.) Blame China. China is the source of every scourge to land on our shores in the past decade or more. Think of it. Those damn Asian beetles? From China. The Emerald Ash Borer? From China. Lead-tainted toys? From China. The Daewoo brand of both cars and electronics? Pretty sure from China.
The best course of action is to ball yourself up in the fetal position and pray for mercy from our swine overlords. Or just check out MinnPics and drool over the purty photos.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
A real-life Minnesota leprechaun
The only story I clicked on the local bankrupt newspaper website happened to be about the husband of a woman I used to work with. I had never met her husband but she often told tales of his job as a grave digger. She had some hippie-esque qualities and I knew that her husband was Irish. Upon seeing his photo and quickly reading through the story of the southern Minnesota Leprechaun-looking guy whose job is making the final resting place for dozens of rural Minnesotans in my old neck of the woods each year I felt a connection.
Check out MinnPics and see what local St. Patrick's Day festivities looked like through the lens.
Check out MinnPics and see what local St. Patrick's Day festivities looked like through the lens.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Losing a loved (Indie 103 point) one
Anyone that truly knows me knows that I'm an alternative music geek. I love it and can't get enough of it. Maybe that makes me a bit of a junkie instead. Whatever the case is, as physical radio stations go, alternative radio's track record in the area of longevity sucks. A five-year lifespan is considered a millenium because music trends are always evolving and the stations often times are stuck in whatever sub-niche of alternative music they began their life as and can no longer grow which leads to their demise. Oh, yeah, and the fact that alternative music tends to attract a younger and less affluent demographic makes it tougher to sell advertising makes it hard for even the most devoted corporation to stick to the format.Enough boring tech insider speak. Whatever the case is, I've been a fan of more than a few alternative radio stations that met a rather untimely end.
The first I truly grew attached to was The Spy (KSYY) from, of all places, Oklahoma City. I think this one lasted about two years, maybe fewer. From there I grew to love bands like The Postal Service, Frou Frou and The New Pornographers. I still have songs from these relatively unknown greats on my iPod in somewhat heavy rotation.
Before that was 97X (WOXY) from Oxford, Ohio (near Cincinatti). I had listened to that gem of a station since the late 90s. It played all kinds of obscure shit and it had loyal owners, loyal talent and tons of loyal fans. However, when money too big to ignore came calling, the owners took it. They realized that a mom & pop operation had no place and would be unable to compete in today's world. I stayed up late on their last night on the air listening to their online stream as the DJ played their last song (which was its first too) by U2 - Sunday, Bloody Sunday.
More recently and definitely more local was the loss of the longest running alternative station Minneapolis, The Twin Cities and Minnesota had seen. Drive 105 was what it was. It was weak both in power and music but if you could plow through the dreck it wasn't half bad. It served its purpose for the corporate overlords at ABC and they did play some local music. The last song played - Say it Ain't So by Weezer, is a definite must hear on my iPod.
Then there's the latest victim to fall due to the alternative radio curse.
Indie 103.1 in Los Angeles was amazing. It never should have lasted for the just over five years it did. It had everything against it that one could imagine. Ownership, signal and a huge and well-known
competitor. Even with the deck stacked against them they survived. Indie quickly became the hip station for celebrities. Zach Braff, in advance of his Garden State movie, took over for an entire day and played his favorites as he interviewed artists and actors from his movie. Henry Rollins, Dave Navarro, Steve Jones of the Sex Pistols, Dicky Barrett of the Mighty Mighty Bosstones and Rob Zombie all had specialty shows on the station. The hot as hell Suicide Girls had a late-night advice show and the music was very indie. Early on, the mohawk-clad TK would play a Frank Sinatra track each afternoon. Yeah, they were that cool. The new music, though, set trends. Songs they played first would often times break across the country months later and be huge. They seemed to have a knack to find music that would be the next cool thing. Oh, not to mention that they were playing some cool new Prince tracks. Why'd you leave us Indie? Oh well, I'll have to add My Way to my iPod because that seems to be the eventual only place for decent and adventurous music.Then today, at Noon central time, it ended. I caught the last hour or so with the airstaff saying their goodbyes and staying in good humor while doing so. Then came My Way by Frank Sinatra. The personalities are gone. Replaced by a Mexican music jukebox format. Thank God for streaming because for the time being Indie 103.1 lives on in its online format so catch this gem while you can. (more info here and here)
And if music is your thing, check out MinnPics because from time to time I'll feature something relevant to the Minnesota music scene.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Because nobody's reading, here's my top five
Welcome, scant few readers, to this yea'rs summary of the top five posts here at A Day in the Life. It's been a strange and glorious year. 2008 had the Summer Olympics in Beijing, China. It also had a ton of increasingly insane ramblings during the summer months from yours truly. Then in April I coyly announced the impending birth of our first child. In November I asked for names and in mid-November she graced us with her presence. Oh, many points were awarded throughout the year because I'm a generous fellow. And as 2009 approaches, I am seriously considering invoking some sort of rule where I can take the points back much like a large company buying back their stock because, yes, even blogs are facing tough economic times and even facing bankruptcy.
But truly, you're here to see what the five most-clicked posts were here at Minnesota's home for random nothingness with a soul of stone, A Day in the Life. Without further ado, here we go...
#1 From camel toe to nipples, the olympics are the place
I covered the 2008 summer Olympics like a fucking blanket and in my thinking back to gymnasts with their suits too tight and bodies covered in sweat, some things, like camel toe and visible nippage, are inevitable. It was done purely as a joke in my attempt to mock the Olympics but apprently the world is full of perverts, all of whom landed here, and generated literally hundreds of thousands of page views. Thanks pervs, your traffic translated to about two bucks right here in my still empty pockets.
#2 I'm on camel toe patrol
Oddly enough, as I pored through the thousands of photos available at the NBC Olympics website, I caught zero instances of visible camel toe. Maybe the gymnasts and their Olympic cohorts are using some sort of camel toe avoiding powder or spray but their spandex suits just weren't sucking up into their most intimate of places. It still generated a fuckload of traffic which proves the relevance of the Olympic games... for perverts.
#3 Welcome to China, nipple capital of the world
Yes, three of my top five posts were about a mish-mash of nipples, camel toe and the Olympics. This is where I finally dished on some of the nippage photos I unearthed. The U.S. Women's Beach Volleyball duo of Kerri Walsh and Misty May-Treanor provided most of the material as they were probably the most photographed athletes in Beijing. Again, thanks to the perverts across these fine United States for making August a huge month!
#4 Mix American Diner, Chaska, MN
If restaurant reviews work at Lazy Lighting, why not for me? I did just one restaurant review this year and even without photos, people read it. The decor of Mix American Diner in Chaska is, for lack of a better word, awesome. If only their early attempts at food had matched. With prices truly sky high during my June (I think) visit, I was truly disappointed. Pick a damn identity, already. Your food screams diner while your prices outpace those of a chain such as Olive Garden. Hey, with the economy the way it is I'd encourage anyone still reading this to give the downtown Chaska diner a shot because I've heard that they have adjusted prices and now actually include french fries with meals deserving of them.
#5 A blog post about blogging for bloggers
I can't take anything seriously but I am also a wealth of information. That combination is what spawned this post inspired by this post. Two parts humor, one part self-deprecation, three parts untruths, mix thoroughly and keep it short. Plenty of folks read it and maybe this re-pimping of it will bring people back. Or not.
Of course, as the year draws to a close and the world crumbles around us, there's some housekeeping duties left to tend to. I still have to update all of you who don't give a crap about the 2008 Death Pool. I'm fairly certain that not a damn one of those listed on the death pool kicked it but there are probably some candidates on that list worthy of being on 2009's Death Pool.
How could I forget about something I'm actually proud of? In July I launched MinnPics because I am at least an amateur photographer and I am truly inspired by alot of what I see posted by Minnesotans on Flickr. It's going slowly but steadily as I recently added a MinnPics Flickr pool and am always looking at other ways to make this little pet of mine something more. So after you sober up, check out MinnPics because right now I'm doing a year-end wrap-up of sorts with photos and would love to have you join the Flickr pool and contribute your amazing photos to it.
But truly, you're here to see what the five most-clicked posts were here at Minnesota's home for random nothingness with a soul of stone, A Day in the Life. Without further ado, here we go...
#1 From camel toe to nipples, the olympics are the place
I covered the 2008 summer Olympics like a fucking blanket and in my thinking back to gymnasts with their suits too tight and bodies covered in sweat, some things, like camel toe and visible nippage, are inevitable. It was done purely as a joke in my attempt to mock the Olympics but apprently the world is full of perverts, all of whom landed here, and generated literally hundreds of thousands of page views. Thanks pervs, your traffic translated to about two bucks right here in my still empty pockets.
#2 I'm on camel toe patrol
Oddly enough, as I pored through the thousands of photos available at the NBC Olympics website, I caught zero instances of visible camel toe. Maybe the gymnasts and their Olympic cohorts are using some sort of camel toe avoiding powder or spray but their spandex suits just weren't sucking up into their most intimate of places. It still generated a fuckload of traffic which proves the relevance of the Olympic games... for perverts.
#3 Welcome to China, nipple capital of the world
Yes, three of my top five posts were about a mish-mash of nipples, camel toe and the Olympics. This is where I finally dished on some of the nippage photos I unearthed. The U.S. Women's Beach Volleyball duo of Kerri Walsh and Misty May-Treanor provided most of the material as they were probably the most photographed athletes in Beijing. Again, thanks to the perverts across these fine United States for making August a huge month!
#4 Mix American Diner, Chaska, MN
If restaurant reviews work at Lazy Lighting, why not for me? I did just one restaurant review this year and even without photos, people read it. The decor of Mix American Diner in Chaska is, for lack of a better word, awesome. If only their early attempts at food had matched. With prices truly sky high during my June (I think) visit, I was truly disappointed. Pick a damn identity, already. Your food screams diner while your prices outpace those of a chain such as Olive Garden. Hey, with the economy the way it is I'd encourage anyone still reading this to give the downtown Chaska diner a shot because I've heard that they have adjusted prices and now actually include french fries with meals deserving of them.
#5 A blog post about blogging for bloggers
I can't take anything seriously but I am also a wealth of information. That combination is what spawned this post inspired by this post. Two parts humor, one part self-deprecation, three parts untruths, mix thoroughly and keep it short. Plenty of folks read it and maybe this re-pimping of it will bring people back. Or not.
Of course, as the year draws to a close and the world crumbles around us, there's some housekeeping duties left to tend to. I still have to update all of you who don't give a crap about the 2008 Death Pool. I'm fairly certain that not a damn one of those listed on the death pool kicked it but there are probably some candidates on that list worthy of being on 2009's Death Pool.
How could I forget about something I'm actually proud of? In July I launched MinnPics because I am at least an amateur photographer and I am truly inspired by alot of what I see posted by Minnesotans on Flickr. It's going slowly but steadily as I recently added a MinnPics Flickr pool and am always looking at other ways to make this little pet of mine something more. So after you sober up, check out MinnPics because right now I'm doing a year-end wrap-up of sorts with photos and would love to have you join the Flickr pool and contribute your amazing photos to it.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Toilet, john, loo, crapper... they all stink
Yesterday I wrote here about the facilities at my office. Was I over-exaggerating? I tend to think I wasn't. Actually quite the opposite. This was being rather lenient.
In my time on this vast blue marble, I have experienced some pretty foul restrooms. There was a time at a bowling alley that I drunkenly meandered into the bathroom only to realize that the floor was entirely soaked in urine. Yes, piss. What kind of heathen would do such a thing? "Hey, that urinal is waaaay over there so why not try to piss down the floor drain? Oh, I missed, I think I'll just keep going."
Etiquette in the bathroom -- especially a public one -- is of the utmost importance. Sure, sometimes at home I get berated because -- as my wife says -- "It smells like a woodland animal is decaying in there. What did you do and why didn't you spray?" So what? I forget to spritz the room with the ever-present can of Lysol. Maybe I should light a candle too. But then there's the hazard of all that odor, a spark and the matter of a full-on bathroom explosion and I don't want to be that guy who blew up his house due to a series of unfortunate mishaps in the bathroom that could have been prevented by not lighting that candle. That's one interview with the local newspaper I don't want to have.
"Could you explain to me how tonight's events unfolded, sir?"
"I pooped, I flushed, I sprayed, I lit the candle, then BOOOOM!"
"I see. And what prompted you to light the candle?"
(Me pointing at my old lady)
See, it's a short but embarrassing interview.
Am I alone here in worrying about blowing the sid eof my house off in a series of unfortunate pooping-related events or am I just disturbed?
In my time on this vast blue marble, I have experienced some pretty foul restrooms. There was a time at a bowling alley that I drunkenly meandered into the bathroom only to realize that the floor was entirely soaked in urine. Yes, piss. What kind of heathen would do such a thing? "Hey, that urinal is waaaay over there so why not try to piss down the floor drain? Oh, I missed, I think I'll just keep going."
Etiquette in the bathroom -- especially a public one -- is of the utmost importance. Sure, sometimes at home I get berated because -- as my wife says -- "It smells like a woodland animal is decaying in there. What did you do and why didn't you spray?" So what? I forget to spritz the room with the ever-present can of Lysol. Maybe I should light a candle too. But then there's the hazard of all that odor, a spark and the matter of a full-on bathroom explosion and I don't want to be that guy who blew up his house due to a series of unfortunate mishaps in the bathroom that could have been prevented by not lighting that candle. That's one interview with the local newspaper I don't want to have.
"Could you explain to me how tonight's events unfolded, sir?"
"I pooped, I flushed, I sprayed, I lit the candle, then BOOOOM!"
"I see. And what prompted you to light the candle?"
(Me pointing at my old lady)
See, it's a short but embarrassing interview.
Am I alone here in worrying about blowing the sid eof my house off in a series of unfortunate pooping-related events or am I just disturbed?
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
A quick hypothetical about death
Death is a topic most normal people don't think about often. Sure, when we've had a close call in traffic, a medical emergency or just attended a funeral you may think about death but it isn't in most people's top ten obsessions.
How you will die isn't exactly party conversation but I'm sure that more people than just myself have discussed with friends how you'd rather die. In the past, I've stated that I'd prefer to leave the world in a hail of gunfire doing something stupid like running from the cops after a bungled hold-up. I don't know where to begin with how unlikely that scenario is but you have to admit, a hail of gunfire is at least mildly dramatic.
Realistically speaking, I can think of a few ways I'd rather not die. Undiagnosed toenail fungus. Chronic indigestion. Reverse folicular strangulation (your hair grows down and strangles your brain). Explosive diarrhea (the kind that actually blows you to tiny bits). These are rather unsavory ways to leave the world. Not to mention both depressing and embarrassing.
Think about it for a minute, in which way would you prefer to die? Which way would you prefer not to die?
How you will die isn't exactly party conversation but I'm sure that more people than just myself have discussed with friends how you'd rather die. In the past, I've stated that I'd prefer to leave the world in a hail of gunfire doing something stupid like running from the cops after a bungled hold-up. I don't know where to begin with how unlikely that scenario is but you have to admit, a hail of gunfire is at least mildly dramatic.
Realistically speaking, I can think of a few ways I'd rather not die. Undiagnosed toenail fungus. Chronic indigestion. Reverse folicular strangulation (your hair grows down and strangles your brain). Explosive diarrhea (the kind that actually blows you to tiny bits). These are rather unsavory ways to leave the world. Not to mention both depressing and embarrassing.
Think about it for a minute, in which way would you prefer to die? Which way would you prefer not to die?
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Earn points in the 2008 death pool
Getting all wrapped up in things as 2008 begins to march forward, I felt that one last thing to start the year properly had been overlooked.
The Death Pool.
If you aren't familiar with exactly what a death pool is, it is a list of celebrities of any standing whose behavior you feel will land them six feet under in the next 12 months. Sure, I haven't ever publicly wished anyone ill will but this is fun plus if you guess correctly in the comments, you get 1,000 points*. So go nuts, rattle off a few known folks you think will kick it this year and enjoy my picks listed below.
1. Britney Spears
No explanation needed for her.
2. Amy Winehouse
It was less than a year ago that I was singing the praises of this ultra-trashy British songstress but damn, this girl knows how to take a downward spiral.
3. Wilford Brimley
If he's still alive, I think that Quaker oatmeal will be his undoing. I predict a drowning death in oatmeal after he passes out from a blood rush brought on by his obvious anger.
4. Dick Clark
Provided that he is in fact NOT a robot, he'll be taking the long dirt nap before year's end.
5. Pete Doherty
Another British rocker but I think he has actually gone over his allotted time on the big blue marble. He has done more drugs than Keith Richards and Courtney Love COMBINED but still kicks out amazing tunes. Hey, everyone is bound to punch their timecard at some time...
*Points system to be described at a later date. Points redeemable for goods to be named later. Points valid only before expiration date listed on "A Day in the Life Authentic Membership & Points Card". Points not redeemable for cash. Points may be cancelled at any time without explanation. Failure to claim points within 5 year timeframe will result in forfeiture of points. Accumulation of said points terminates with a maximum of 5,000,000.
The Death Pool.
If you aren't familiar with exactly what a death pool is, it is a list of celebrities of any standing whose behavior you feel will land them six feet under in the next 12 months. Sure, I haven't ever publicly wished anyone ill will but this is fun plus if you guess correctly in the comments, you get 1,000 points*. So go nuts, rattle off a few known folks you think will kick it this year and enjoy my picks listed below.
1. Britney Spears
No explanation needed for her.
2. Amy Winehouse
It was less than a year ago that I was singing the praises of this ultra-trashy British songstress but damn, this girl knows how to take a downward spiral.
3. Wilford Brimley
If he's still alive, I think that Quaker oatmeal will be his undoing. I predict a drowning death in oatmeal after he passes out from a blood rush brought on by his obvious anger.
4. Dick Clark
Provided that he is in fact NOT a robot, he'll be taking the long dirt nap before year's end.
5. Pete Doherty
Another British rocker but I think he has actually gone over his allotted time on the big blue marble. He has done more drugs than Keith Richards and Courtney Love COMBINED but still kicks out amazing tunes. Hey, everyone is bound to punch their timecard at some time...
*Points system to be described at a later date. Points redeemable for goods to be named later. Points valid only before expiration date listed on "A Day in the Life Authentic Membership & Points Card". Points not redeemable for cash. Points may be cancelled at any time without explanation. Failure to claim points within 5 year timeframe will result in forfeiture of points. Accumulation of said points terminates with a maximum of 5,000,000.
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